Some who are reading this blog may walk away shaking their heads wondering what kind of religion my family and I were mixed up in. Some of the folks posting comments here and emailing me come from a variety of backgrounds. Some grew up Catholic. Others were a part of some other Christian denomination. And some attended churches that had strict rules while others attended fellowships with very few rules. As a result of the diverse groups within the realm of Christianity, I believe it is important to let people know a bit about my Christian background. This may give some understanding to those that are not familiar with it and also help those that were a part of it understand where I have come from.
I did not come to believe in Jesus until I was 25 years old and I was not raised in a religious home. In fact, my father is Jewish (with a name like Silverman, who would have guessed?). So for the first part of my life religion really didn't factor into it. After accepting Jesus I began to attend an Independent Baptist church. The pastor thought I should go to Bible college and recommended that I attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). This school further taught me the concepts adhered to by many Independent Baptists.
The first thing I should say is that not every Independent Baptist church is the same. After all, they are "independent". But they do tend to stick to the same basic doctrines. After all, they are "Baptists". These doctrines, or teachings, would include such things as the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith alone and the Bible consisting of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments. Concerning the Bible, it was to be interpreted literally. This meant that the the common sense reading of the text was to be understood as what the Bible really meant. Therefore, if the Bible says that God created everything in six days and rested on the seventh, then there was no room for anything more than six literal 24-hour days. Another rule that governed us when it came to the Bible was to compare Scripture with Scripture in order to let the Bible interpret itself.
By this understanding, some Independent Baptist churches came to some strict conclusions concerning behavior and modesty. The man was to be the head of the household. All were to dress modestly and the women were to not adorn themselves with clothing that could be mistaken for men's clothes. Children were to be disciplined via corporal punishment. And there were many other such rules that came to govern us based on our understanding of the Bible as taken from a literal perspective.
As our family continued to study the Bible and attempt to apply it to our lives, we found our lives becoming more and more strict. We eventually had no TV in our home and movies were certainly out of the question. The only music we were to have was Christian (and certainly not Christian rock, rap or anything even remotely connected to today's music). My daughters were to dress in long, loose skirts, loose jumpers and dresses. They could not wear any kind of pants and certainly not shorts. Even when they went out to play they had to have on their jumpers. If they wanted to do cartwheels then they could put on sweats underneath their jumpers, but they could not wear them without their jumpers. The girls could not even have fingernail polish, though that was something my wife wanted and not strictly enforced by the church we were a part of.
On some occasions my daughters would come home and tell us that some of the neighborhood children had asked if we were Amish or Mennonite. They asked this because of how the girls dressed. Others, who were not members of our church, wondered the same thing when they went by our church and saw us worshiping. We simply did not look "Baptist" to them.
As we strove to remove more and more of the "world" from our home, life became more restrictive for our children. They started to make friends with the neighborhood kids, but soon my wife would worry about this. She would think that the "unsaved" children in the neighborhood would influence our children and possibly cause them to turn away from Christ. Frequently my wife would come to me and tell me that she did not want our children playing with the neighborhood kids. Eventually my children learned, for the most part, to play amongst themselves. My kids were not completely cut off from the people all around us. They were welcome to be witnesses and to tell people the Gospel!
Yes, as the head of the household, I was certainly moving in this direction. I am just as responsible for bringing this on my house and on my children as anyone else. I am not innocent here. But perhaps this little insight into our lives can help you to understand the background that I came from and where my wife still is.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Want to Support Me?
I am stunned by the number of visits this blog has had today and the number of emails I have received! I can hardly keep up with it! Thank you! It is amazing and very uplifting!
Several of you had asked about helping in some way and some of you even asked about funds for my defense. Right from the get go I want to say that I did not create this blog to ask for funds from anyone. I believe that asking for money for my defense would cheapen the story. The purpose of this blog is to get the story out ... to tell my side of it, giving people the opportunity to think about the things I have written here.
Even so, some people might still want to help. If this is the case, then I have a suggestion. I am a professional graphic artist that specializes in traditional pencil and ink drawings, 2D computer graphic arts and 3D modeling. If any of you need any graphical work (web site graphics and layout, company logo designs, book covers (I have done dozens of novel covers that are in print), magazine covers, 3D models, etc) please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to work for pay and, frankly, I need to rebuild my business after my involuntary vacation in jail. So if any of you need any graphical work done or know someone that does, please think of me. I am more than happy to forward you examples of my work. My web site for real-time 3D graphics can be found at the following URL:
http://www.m3dd.com
I am in the process of creating a resume site for the rest of my graphical work.
Thank you.
.
Several of you had asked about helping in some way and some of you even asked about funds for my defense. Right from the get go I want to say that I did not create this blog to ask for funds from anyone. I believe that asking for money for my defense would cheapen the story. The purpose of this blog is to get the story out ... to tell my side of it, giving people the opportunity to think about the things I have written here.
Even so, some people might still want to help. If this is the case, then I have a suggestion. I am a professional graphic artist that specializes in traditional pencil and ink drawings, 2D computer graphic arts and 3D modeling. If any of you need any graphical work (web site graphics and layout, company logo designs, book covers (I have done dozens of novel covers that are in print), magazine covers, 3D models, etc) please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to work for pay and, frankly, I need to rebuild my business after my involuntary vacation in jail. So if any of you need any graphical work done or know someone that does, please think of me. I am more than happy to forward you examples of my work. My web site for real-time 3D graphics can be found at the following URL:
http://www.m3dd.com
I am in the process of creating a resume site for the rest of my graphical work.
Thank you.
.
Am I Angry?
I have received a lot of emails from people wondering why I seem so forgiving and stating that they would be very angry if they were going through what I am going through. So the question might be, "Am I angry?" That depends. I will try to express what I feel as well as what I am going through in this article.
If you have read My Story or the original articles on this blog, then you know I spent 50+ days in jail. Was I angry then? Yes! Most certainly! My first few days in jail I was frightened in so many ways. I had never been in jail before and I did not know what to expect. Also, the entire ordeal was just so unreal! One day I was celebrating my freedom of mind via my de-conversion and five days later I am being arrested!
After a few days, fear gave way to anger. I was angry that my wife had done this to me! I was angry at the pastor of that church! Several of us in jail would talk about what women had done to us and we would all get angry (and, no, I don't hate women)! But when I finally got out of jail on bond, I realized that I no longer really knew who I was!
You see, almost two decades as a Christian had formed me into who I was. My character (for the most part) and what I deemed "right" and "wrong" were all controlled by the Bible and by the standards of the church. Now that I was no longer under that authority, I was free, but I was also something new. I had to decide what I was and what I wanted to be. I decided that I didn't want to be an angry person. I decided that I did want people to treat me fairly and that I should treat them fairly. I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt and so I decided to give others that same benefit.
Now, I don't always succeed. All of this is still very fresh to me ... I am still going through it. And so, from time to time, I do get quite upset. At other times I simply break down, sob and loose it. I feel quite betrayed. However, I bet my wife does, too. Her reasons for feeling betrayed, I believe, are based on her understanding of the Bible and her desire that our entire family would faithfully serve God all our days. My reasons are obvious to most people who read this blog.
All in all, I am not angry ... not at the moment ;) . That could change. I get hate mail (via email) and things like this. I get people who don't know the accusation against me who speak about this case and use words like "rape". This all has the potential to make me angry. But I want to be the better person.
You know, now that I think about it. As a Christian I had a bit of anger. I would yell in my house from time to time when things weren't going well. But, since leaving the faith, I have not been tempted to yell at all. It is amazing to me that I found peace as I have, despite my circumstances, OUTSIDE of the Christian faith.
If you have read My Story or the original articles on this blog, then you know I spent 50+ days in jail. Was I angry then? Yes! Most certainly! My first few days in jail I was frightened in so many ways. I had never been in jail before and I did not know what to expect. Also, the entire ordeal was just so unreal! One day I was celebrating my freedom of mind via my de-conversion and five days later I am being arrested!
After a few days, fear gave way to anger. I was angry that my wife had done this to me! I was angry at the pastor of that church! Several of us in jail would talk about what women had done to us and we would all get angry (and, no, I don't hate women)! But when I finally got out of jail on bond, I realized that I no longer really knew who I was!
You see, almost two decades as a Christian had formed me into who I was. My character (for the most part) and what I deemed "right" and "wrong" were all controlled by the Bible and by the standards of the church. Now that I was no longer under that authority, I was free, but I was also something new. I had to decide what I was and what I wanted to be. I decided that I didn't want to be an angry person. I decided that I did want people to treat me fairly and that I should treat them fairly. I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt and so I decided to give others that same benefit.
Now, I don't always succeed. All of this is still very fresh to me ... I am still going through it. And so, from time to time, I do get quite upset. At other times I simply break down, sob and loose it. I feel quite betrayed. However, I bet my wife does, too. Her reasons for feeling betrayed, I believe, are based on her understanding of the Bible and her desire that our entire family would faithfully serve God all our days. My reasons are obvious to most people who read this blog.
All in all, I am not angry ... not at the moment ;) . That could change. I get hate mail (via email) and things like this. I get people who don't know the accusation against me who speak about this case and use words like "rape". This all has the potential to make me angry. But I want to be the better person.
You know, now that I think about it. As a Christian I had a bit of anger. I would yell in my house from time to time when things weren't going well. But, since leaving the faith, I have not been tempted to yell at all. It is amazing to me that I found peace as I have, despite my circumstances, OUTSIDE of the Christian faith.
Using Judgment ...
My blog and my story have been picked up by a few people in recent days and, as a result, I am getting a lot more comments and emails than normal. Thank you ... all of you ... both Christian and non-Christian. I do appreciate it.
Having said that, I would humbly ask that we be careful how we judge my wife. There are a few things that I would ask us all to understand:
1) Despite all that I have revealed in this blog, I cannot share all the events about this case. There are some things that I just cannot talk about legally. This means that this blog does not and cannot contain all the information needed for anyone to really judge either side of this. Yes! I maintain my innocence! However, the readers of this blog cannot have all the facts.
2) The accusation did not originate with my wife. Therefore I don't believe that she is "lying". I think that she is choosing to believe that I am guilty. The main reason for this is that she believes that, without Christ, a person has no moral under pinning and, as a result, any evil is possible without the Holy Spirit's indwelling. This accusation may have become an easy way to remove the "heathen" influence from the home (and that, in and of itself is wrong, in my opinion), but this does not mean that my wife is purposefully lying.
3) Just as it is not right that so many have judged me by what others are saying about me without being willing to hear my side of the story, it is equally wrong (in my opinion) to judge in my favor without hearing the other side of the story. I certainly maintain that I am innocent. However, I respect the fact that there are two sides to the story and this blog only represents my side.
I certainly would not tell any of you to not share your thoughts, ideas and opinions about all of this, but I would ask for caution. If I am asking people to treat me fairly, then I would want them to treat my wife fairly as well. I had determined a long time ago not be angry at how I am being treated. I went through anger while in jail and, for the most part, I am over it.
For any questions that go beyond what I can reveal on this blog, please use my email address. It is on the left side. I will do my best to answer each and every email I get.
Thank you.
.
Having said that, I would humbly ask that we be careful how we judge my wife. There are a few things that I would ask us all to understand:
1) Despite all that I have revealed in this blog, I cannot share all the events about this case. There are some things that I just cannot talk about legally. This means that this blog does not and cannot contain all the information needed for anyone to really judge either side of this. Yes! I maintain my innocence! However, the readers of this blog cannot have all the facts.
2) The accusation did not originate with my wife. Therefore I don't believe that she is "lying". I think that she is choosing to believe that I am guilty. The main reason for this is that she believes that, without Christ, a person has no moral under pinning and, as a result, any evil is possible without the Holy Spirit's indwelling. This accusation may have become an easy way to remove the "heathen" influence from the home (and that, in and of itself is wrong, in my opinion), but this does not mean that my wife is purposefully lying.
3) Just as it is not right that so many have judged me by what others are saying about me without being willing to hear my side of the story, it is equally wrong (in my opinion) to judge in my favor without hearing the other side of the story. I certainly maintain that I am innocent. However, I respect the fact that there are two sides to the story and this blog only represents my side.
I certainly would not tell any of you to not share your thoughts, ideas and opinions about all of this, but I would ask for caution. If I am asking people to treat me fairly, then I would want them to treat my wife fairly as well. I had determined a long time ago not be angry at how I am being treated. I went through anger while in jail and, for the most part, I am over it.
For any questions that go beyond what I can reveal on this blog, please use my email address. It is on the left side. I will do my best to answer each and every email I get.
Thank you.
.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Why I Started This Blog ...
... and why I am going to take it off line.
I started this blog as a knee jerk reaction the the local Channel 7 News report that had come out back in November. In that report, I was mentioned along with another man from the same church that had been accused of far more than I had, yet I was lumped in along side him. This frightened me! For several days I was even afraid to leave my room! Several people that were in communication with me suggested that I start a blog with the idea of me being able to tell my side of the story. As a result, this blog was born.
But I now realize what a selfish thing this was. I have a wife and, though I am opposed to what she is doing to both myself and the children, she is still is my wife. I cannot see how this blog could possibly help our situation. I created this blog out of concern to protect myself, but I did not give much thought to what affect this could have on my wife. In fact, I don't know what affect it is or is not having, but I can only imagine how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps some here would think something like, "Who cares how she feels after what she has done to you?" But I do. Despite the pain, she is still my wife.
Secondly, I never wanted to be in the spot light about all of this. My original plan was to just survive ... to get through this and do what I could to get my family back. But the news report scared me! I felt I needed to do my own "reporting" (so to speak) so that my side could be known. I no longer feel this way. I don't believe that this blog can do or is doing any real good at the moment. Therefore, I plan to take it down. I will give it a week or so and that only so people can read this post.
What it all comes down to is that I love my kids. I want to be a part of their lives and, in order to do that, I have to continue to endure some garbage and muck through it until this is all over with. This blog is not going to help me achieve that goal (not that I can see). I don't want to be in the public's eye. I don't really want to rattle anyone's cage. I just want to get through tomorrow and be their for my children when this is over. That is all. Nothing more.
I started this blog as a knee jerk reaction the the local Channel 7 News report that had come out back in November. In that report, I was mentioned along with another man from the same church that had been accused of far more than I had, yet I was lumped in along side him. This frightened me! For several days I was even afraid to leave my room! Several people that were in communication with me suggested that I start a blog with the idea of me being able to tell my side of the story. As a result, this blog was born.
But I now realize what a selfish thing this was. I have a wife and, though I am opposed to what she is doing to both myself and the children, she is still is my wife. I cannot see how this blog could possibly help our situation. I created this blog out of concern to protect myself, but I did not give much thought to what affect this could have on my wife. In fact, I don't know what affect it is or is not having, but I can only imagine how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps some here would think something like, "Who cares how she feels after what she has done to you?" But I do. Despite the pain, she is still my wife.
Secondly, I never wanted to be in the spot light about all of this. My original plan was to just survive ... to get through this and do what I could to get my family back. But the news report scared me! I felt I needed to do my own "reporting" (so to speak) so that my side could be known. I no longer feel this way. I don't believe that this blog can do or is doing any real good at the moment. Therefore, I plan to take it down. I will give it a week or so and that only so people can read this post.
What it all comes down to is that I love my kids. I want to be a part of their lives and, in order to do that, I have to continue to endure some garbage and muck through it until this is all over with. This blog is not going to help me achieve that goal (not that I can see). I don't want to be in the public's eye. I don't really want to rattle anyone's cage. I just want to get through tomorrow and be their for my children when this is over. That is all. Nothing more.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Court Update
First of all, please forgive me for the delay in adding anything to my blog. I have been very busy lately. However, I realize that some of you reading this blog may not be able to readily discover what is going on with me. Therefore, I wanted to give a brief update.
On Tuesday, December 2nd, I had to appear in court for the preliminary hearing. This is where the prosecution presents evidence to the court in order to establish if there is a case. If there is not sufficient evidence for a case, the judge will throw it out and it all ends right there. If there is enough evidence, then the case is certified by the judge and then it is presented to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury is basically a checks-and-balances system. They look over the case and the judge's finding and then also certify the case. This is known as an indictment. Once that is done, the case is then set for trial.
In my situation, the judge certified the case and the Grand Jury indicted me. In the case of a verbal accusation of abuse (physical or sexual) all that is needed is a testimony. This was given and therefore the case now goes to trial. A "soft" date has been set for the trial, but it will most likely change. Once I have more information I will update all of you as I am able.
Please understand that I cannot speak about everything on this blog as much of it is a part of the court case. Some people, who know more about my situation, have claimed that I am not telling all of the truth here on this blog. Some of that stems from the fact that I cannot reveal all the information here in this very public place because of the actual case. For example, I cannot reveal who the accuser is. People may speculate about it, but I cannot say. Even the news, when reporting on this case, does not reveal that piece of information despite the fact that they know.
The case will go to trial. What happens to me will be determined in about a month (or more) in a case that is estimated to last about two hours (or less). Even if I am found not guilty, I will still have a legal battle with Social Services as they are independent of the court and their decision.
On Tuesday, December 2nd, I had to appear in court for the preliminary hearing. This is where the prosecution presents evidence to the court in order to establish if there is a case. If there is not sufficient evidence for a case, the judge will throw it out and it all ends right there. If there is enough evidence, then the case is certified by the judge and then it is presented to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury is basically a checks-and-balances system. They look over the case and the judge's finding and then also certify the case. This is known as an indictment. Once that is done, the case is then set for trial.
In my situation, the judge certified the case and the Grand Jury indicted me. In the case of a verbal accusation of abuse (physical or sexual) all that is needed is a testimony. This was given and therefore the case now goes to trial. A "soft" date has been set for the trial, but it will most likely change. Once I have more information I will update all of you as I am able.
Please understand that I cannot speak about everything on this blog as much of it is a part of the court case. Some people, who know more about my situation, have claimed that I am not telling all of the truth here on this blog. Some of that stems from the fact that I cannot reveal all the information here in this very public place because of the actual case. For example, I cannot reveal who the accuser is. People may speculate about it, but I cannot say. Even the news, when reporting on this case, does not reveal that piece of information despite the fact that they know.
The case will go to trial. What happens to me will be determined in about a month (or more) in a case that is estimated to last about two hours (or less). Even if I am found not guilty, I will still have a legal battle with Social Services as they are independent of the court and their decision.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Wonderful Day!
Today was a wonderful day (and, after all that I have been going through, I needed it)! I was able to see two of my children today ... my two boys! Because of the protective order my wife placed against me, I am not allowed to have any form of communication with my wife or any of my four children. If I were to be walking down the street and happen to see my family walking my way, I am instructed to turn around and get away as fast as I can! However, Social Services has arranged for me to have supervised visits.
I was arrested on September 8th and so it has been nearly three months since I have been able to see my children or hear their voices. When I was in jail I would dream of them almost every night. And, to be frank, as I was anticipating seeing them again I was quite scared! I did not know what to expect. Would they accept me? Would they shy away from me? How would they react to their father?
I showed up at the Social Services office about a half an hour early. To my surprise, my wife and two boys were already in the waiting room. When my youngest son saw me he began to run to me, arms held wide open for a hug! What a joy! But there was a problem! Without the Social Services case worker present, I was still ruled by the protective order! I put forth my hand, palm forward and said, "I'm sorry son, but I cannot talk to you yet." He seemed to understand and went back to his mother. I retreated to the hall and waited for the case worker. After three months of not seeing my children, the first words out of my mouth had to be, "I cannot talk to you." Ugh!
Soon the case worker came and I was ushered, with the boys, into a room where we could be "alone" while under surveillance. We hugged and cried and talked about a range of subjects including cars (my oldest is 14 and what teenage boy does not like cars?), school, friends and things like that. We had a grand time. When the case worker returned to tell us our time was done, my boys begged her to schedule another meeting! I was overjoyed! But then we had to part.
I wept walking down the hall and down the stairs. I gathered myself together as best I could and made it to my car. Then I wept most of the way home. No father should have to be separated from his children. Not like this. The joy of seeing them, of hugging them, of hearing their voices ... it was without comparison! But so was the sorrow at our departure.
Even so, the case worker says we can meet again next week! I look forward to it!
I was arrested on September 8th and so it has been nearly three months since I have been able to see my children or hear their voices. When I was in jail I would dream of them almost every night. And, to be frank, as I was anticipating seeing them again I was quite scared! I did not know what to expect. Would they accept me? Would they shy away from me? How would they react to their father?
I showed up at the Social Services office about a half an hour early. To my surprise, my wife and two boys were already in the waiting room. When my youngest son saw me he began to run to me, arms held wide open for a hug! What a joy! But there was a problem! Without the Social Services case worker present, I was still ruled by the protective order! I put forth my hand, palm forward and said, "I'm sorry son, but I cannot talk to you yet." He seemed to understand and went back to his mother. I retreated to the hall and waited for the case worker. After three months of not seeing my children, the first words out of my mouth had to be, "I cannot talk to you." Ugh!
Soon the case worker came and I was ushered, with the boys, into a room where we could be "alone" while under surveillance. We hugged and cried and talked about a range of subjects including cars (my oldest is 14 and what teenage boy does not like cars?), school, friends and things like that. We had a grand time. When the case worker returned to tell us our time was done, my boys begged her to schedule another meeting! I was overjoyed! But then we had to part.
I wept walking down the hall and down the stairs. I gathered myself together as best I could and made it to my car. Then I wept most of the way home. No father should have to be separated from his children. Not like this. The joy of seeing them, of hugging them, of hearing their voices ... it was without comparison! But so was the sorrow at our departure.
Even so, the case worker says we can meet again next week! I look forward to it!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Been Persecuted?
Have you left the faith and suffered for it? Have people who name the name of Christ tried to ruin your good name? Have those that say that their God is love and that they are commanded to love even their enemies treated you distastefully?
If this has been the case for you, then I am asking you to leave a comment here and tell us briefly what you had experienced.
If this has been the case for you, then I am asking you to leave a comment here and tell us briefly what you had experienced.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Love Your Enemies ...
I had heard from others that those that remain in the faith can be quite cruel toward those that have left. I had heard from those that experienced this that faith-filled people can try to destroy whatever good name you may have. However, despite being warned, I still thought better of those within the circles that I had once walked. I assumed (and, yes, I know that is a dangerous word) that these people were truly trying to follow the words of Christ and to live as he taught them and as he exampled for them. One such teaching of Christ, according to the New Testament is to love one's enemies (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27, 35). In fact, the words of Jesus command that his followers "do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which dispitefully use you and persecute you;" Christians who love only their own are likened to the publicans, who were very much hated in those days (Matthew 5:46).
Since I have de-converted there have been some who have treated me well, stating that they would pray for me and even asking if I needed anything. But these have been quite few and far between. I can count them on less than half of one hand. Others have accepted as fact that I am a child molester and have never even tried to contact me to see if I had anything to say about it. One site that I came across recently, belonging to a former member of Heritage Baptist Church, used the term "rape" in relation to me. To be fair to this individual, when I sent him an email about the inaccuracy of his statement, he changed it. Even so, why did he write it in the first place? I was never charged with rape at all. Why didn't this individual check with a legitimate source (myself or even the jail) before posting something like this?
Since I have de-converted there have been some who have treated me well, stating that they would pray for me and even asking if I needed anything. But these have been quite few and far between. I can count them on less than half of one hand. Others have accepted as fact that I am a child molester and have never even tried to contact me to see if I had anything to say about it. One site that I came across recently, belonging to a former member of Heritage Baptist Church, used the term "rape" in relation to me. To be fair to this individual, when I sent him an email about the inaccuracy of his statement, he changed it. Even so, why did he write it in the first place? I was never charged with rape at all. Why didn't this individual check with a legitimate source (myself or even the jail) before posting something like this?
But in recent days, things have taken a turn for the worse. On a particular forum that I frequent, a forum that is related to my job and a piece of software that I use for that job, an anonymous person started to post about the initial WDBJ7 news report, to call me a liar (claiming that I have been lying for 18 years now) and to try to bring me down as low as they could. One person, whom I have known for years on that forum, began to blast me after reading the news report from Channel 7 News (WDBJ7). Again, this person, who also claims to be a Christian, did not attempt to contact me to ask what this was all about. He just broke into a tirade against me and voiced his opinion about the ridiculousness of what I have posted here on this blog.
As one that had de-converted, I can see how Christians could feel threatened by me and might even consider me an enemy. But where in the Bible does it tell a Christian to try to destroy anyone's reputation? Since I have not been found guilty in a court of law (yet), are they not spreading gossip (another thing forbidden of Christians) by claiming as true what has not yet been proven? Where is the love that Jesus commands? How is it displayed by the hatred and vitriol that people like me experience when we make a decision to leave the faith?
I would ask those that consider themselves to be true Christians to ponder the following thought: by attempting to ruin a man's reputation, how does that make a de-converted person want to even consider Christianity as truth? By spewing hatred and accusations against someone, how does that make anyone believe that the words of Christ are true words? If those that claim that they are followers of Christ refuse to obey basic and clear commands written within their own holy book, how does that cause anyone outside of their faith to want to believe anything that they have to say about the Bible, Jesus or God?
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
For those of you in the United States, please have a happy and a safe Thanksgiving! Even if you are not a religious person, there are plenty of reasons to be thankful! Even in my situation, I have much to be thankful for!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thank You!
I just wanted to take a moment to publicly thank each of you that have either linked to this blog or wrote an article on your own blog about me and my story! Thank you! I truly appreciate all that each of you have done!
Suffer the Little Children ...
Some people have asked me about my children. They wanted to know, in all that is going on, didn't the church or my wife think about the children before bringing this accusation against me. On the surface, it would be easy to think that the pastor and my wife are cold-hearted people that are simply out to get me and that my children are being sacrificed at the altar. But this is not the case ... not from their perspective. In fact, I have to be careful as well. In the process of telling my story, I could end up appearing to not care about my children as I write about my own personal situation. So, with that in mind, let's explore the mentality of some, like my wife, when it comes to their children.
I do believe that my wife had my children in mind the entire time that she was talking to the police and arranging to have me arrested. In order to understand this, we need to enter into her mind and the minds of others that are like her. My wife is a woman who loves the Lord Jesus Christ above anything and everything. I am not exaggerating this. Even being married to her I was always keenly aware that her love for me was second to her love for Jesus. Everything was to be done for his glory and for his honor. Her consistency in reading her Bible and praying daily was not out of some religious ritual, but out of an honest desire to spend time with the Lord. She is one that demonstrated, on many levels, that she loved the Lord with all her might, all of her strength and all of her mind. This is who my wife is.
I do believe that my wife had my children in mind the entire time that she was talking to the police and arranging to have me arrested. In order to understand this, we need to enter into her mind and the minds of others that are like her. My wife is a woman who loves the Lord Jesus Christ above anything and everything. I am not exaggerating this. Even being married to her I was always keenly aware that her love for me was second to her love for Jesus. Everything was to be done for his glory and for his honor. Her consistency in reading her Bible and praying daily was not out of some religious ritual, but out of an honest desire to spend time with the Lord. She is one that demonstrated, on many levels, that she loved the Lord with all her might, all of her strength and all of her mind. This is who my wife is.
When you factor this into the equation, what happened at my home was very easy to understand. She was married to a man that was preaching the Word of God. She had the hopes of returning to the land of Israel to carry on the work of the Lord in proclaiming the Gospel to the lost. She had the precious hope that her children would be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that very little outside influences would come into our home in an attempt to steal away the souls of our precious children.
Outside influences were kept to a minimal. As the children began to play outside and make friends in the neighborhood, my wife would begin to restrict these friendships out of fear that our children would be attracted to the world. Slowly my children were reduced to having friends that were a part of our church. And because most of these people were scattered around the Roanoke region, my children rarely got to spend time with friends during the week. So getting together with friends was before and after the church service. This sounds strict (and it is), but the souls of children are precious, are they not?
According to the Bible, God will not tolerate sin in his presence. All men, according to the Scriptures, are sinners. Therefore, no man, woman or child can come into the presence of God and live. As a result, God's law demanded that all sinners be eternally separated from Him. People who remain in their sins when they die are sent to a place called Hell in order to keep sin from the presence of God. This punishment, according to the Bible, is eternal, having no hope of escape. However, according to the biblical text, God provided a means of escape in this life if we would simply accept the sacrifice of his son, Jesus, who, according to the Bible, died in our place, taking our punishment upon himself, so that we would not have to suffer the penalty of eternal condemnation.
If you believe that this is true, that there is no other way to escape an eternity of punishment in flames of fire than to accept Jesus and have faith in his finished work on the cross, then what would you do if your spouse suddenly becomes a heathen in the midst? What would you do if, for years, you have been trying to keep the world away from your kids and now the world is in the midst of your very own home? When I de-converted I became, in the eyes of my wife, a pagan, a heathen and an anit-Christ ("anti" means "opposed to"). What my wife had so desperately fought against was now, not only on the doorstep, but in her very home! The eternal destinies of her four precious children were at risk! Thieves had broken in unaware and were about to steal the souls of those that she had labored to bring forth into the world! What would you do (if you believed in Christ and his message of eternal salvation so strongly)?
So, I don't think my wife was intending to cause mental anguish to my children. I think she was trying to save their souls. I think she was trying to remove an element from the home (me!) that she considered dangerous, just as she had removed any TVs, video games or children's videos that she deemed wordly. If the item did not set out to glorify God, then it was not allowed in our home! I no longer glorified God. I was no longer welcome there.
Do I think this mentality is right? No! Of course not. But I do believe that my wife is behaving within her character ... within her belief system. I cannot blame her for that. No, in relation to our children, I think she acted out of love ... as she understands love. However, her mind is so clouded by religion that I don't think she really understands honest to goodness love. If love is being willing to sacrifice those closest to you because they reject God, then how is this love? Does not the Bible even echo this:
For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? - Matthew 5:46
And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. - Luke 6:33
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
In the News Again ...
WDBJ7, one of the local news stations in Roanoke, Virginia, aired a short piece of me this evening. The title of the story is:
News7 Exclusive: Former Vinton church leader says he's not a child molester
I am glad that they gave me an opportunity to declare my innocence and that the title reflects this as well. Here is a link to the story:
http://www.wdbj7.com/Global/story.asp?S=9381008
I just wish they would use some other picture of me.
Update: Maybe they read this blog! They updated the photos. Much nicer. Thank you WDBJ7!
Update: It appears that they have polished the video and re-uploaded it from what aired last night. In the process one line was dropped that was in the original report:
"Since our first story, many viewers have emailed or called us with a variety of concerns about the church."
The above line is still in the transcript on the same page, though.
News7 Exclusive: Former Vinton church leader says he's not a child molester
I am glad that they gave me an opportunity to declare my innocence and that the title reflects this as well. Here is a link to the story:
http://www.wdbj7.com/Global/story.asp?S=9381008
I just wish they would use some other picture of me.
Update: Maybe they read this blog! They updated the photos. Much nicer. Thank you WDBJ7!
Update: It appears that they have polished the video and re-uploaded it from what aired last night. In the process one line was dropped that was in the original report:
"Since our first story, many viewers have emailed or called us with a variety of concerns about the church."
The above line is still in the transcript on the same page, though.
Churches Gone Wild!
What is it about the Christian faith that makes it so easy to create a cult from it? Why is it that so many health and prosperity teachers arise from Christianity and not from the other religions out there? Do we hear of Muslim name it and claim it clerics? Do we see compounds of faithful zealots ready to drink poisoned Kool-Aid in the name of Brahma or Vishnu? While I am sure there are people who take advantage of other religions to exploit them, I am still interested in why this happens so frequently within the realm of Christianity.
At this point, I am certain that some Christians would claim that this is because the devil, God's ancient enemy, is doing his best to discredit the true church of Jesus Christ by bringing about all of these atrocities. These kinds of people would use all of this to try and establish Christianity as the one true religion. After all, which other religion has this going on? Obviously it is an attack against the truth! I know that arguments like this are used because I had used them myself.
Recently a news report was released about a church in Virginia called Calvary Temple which is exhibiting cult-like tendencies. According to the investigation, the pastor of that church, Star Scott, "urged some church members to divorce spouses and shun children who resisted the pastor's teachings." Scott also described those that left the church as "depraved," and Calvary's practice is to cut them off."
Click here to read the entire article.
While different churches with cult-like behavior may differ in their core teachings (doctrine), they all tend to exhibit one thing in common: they ostracize those that would dare to leave them and, in the process of doing so, try to paint those that have left in as bad a light as they can. They may call them apostates, reprobates, deluded, anti-Christs and a whole bunch of other names that are intended to destroy the reputation of those that have left while at the same time bringing fear to any that remain.
Whether one believes the Bible to be true or not, it is obvious to most people that churches that behave like this are clearly violating clear biblical teachings. While the Bible certainly does give instruction about separating from apostates, it never tells its followers to speak badly of them. Its New Testament leaders are never instructed to lord it over the faithful and their actions are to be selfless. It is amazing to me how many churches claim to follow the teachings of Christ and yet follow anything but what is written in red.
At this point, I am certain that some Christians would claim that this is because the devil, God's ancient enemy, is doing his best to discredit the true church of Jesus Christ by bringing about all of these atrocities. These kinds of people would use all of this to try and establish Christianity as the one true religion. After all, which other religion has this going on? Obviously it is an attack against the truth! I know that arguments like this are used because I had used them myself.
Recently a news report was released about a church in Virginia called Calvary Temple which is exhibiting cult-like tendencies. According to the investigation, the pastor of that church, Star Scott, "urged some church members to divorce spouses and shun children who resisted the pastor's teachings." Scott also described those that left the church as "depraved," and Calvary's practice is to cut them off."
Click here to read the entire article.
While different churches with cult-like behavior may differ in their core teachings (doctrine), they all tend to exhibit one thing in common: they ostracize those that would dare to leave them and, in the process of doing so, try to paint those that have left in as bad a light as they can. They may call them apostates, reprobates, deluded, anti-Christs and a whole bunch of other names that are intended to destroy the reputation of those that have left while at the same time bringing fear to any that remain.
Whether one believes the Bible to be true or not, it is obvious to most people that churches that behave like this are clearly violating clear biblical teachings. While the Bible certainly does give instruction about separating from apostates, it never tells its followers to speak badly of them. Its New Testament leaders are never instructed to lord it over the faithful and their actions are to be selfless. It is amazing to me how many churches claim to follow the teachings of Christ and yet follow anything but what is written in red.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Can't Divorce? Brainwash the Kids!
Marriage can be a wonderful institution where two people devote themselves one to the other. However, when marriages go bad things can get out of hand and many can get hurt in the process of a separation or divorce. In some Christian circles the wrong that is done can be greatly amplified because some hold to a biblical teaching that divorce is not permitted. If this was your belief and you suddenly found that your spouse was not who or what you thought he or she was, what would you do to protect yourself and those around you?
As my wife and I studied and ministered over the years, the topic of divorce, marriage and remarriage was something that would come up time and again. Our own personal study of the Bible, as well as that of those within likeminded circles, led us to believe that, not only was god opposed to divorce, but that the Bible forbids it for the believer. As a result, when I de-converted, one thing that I was certain of was that my wife would not seek to divorce me ... at least not without having to drastically change her system of belief. What I did not anticipate is her fight or flight behavior toward my decision.
The very next day after my de-conversion my wife held a Bible study with the children in the basement of our house. It appears she chose the basement , which was unfurnished, in order to keep me from overhearing what she was teaching the family. Later that day, one of the children came to me and I politely asked what the study was about. The child calmly replied, "Mom was teaching that you are an anti-Christ and under a delusion."
It seems obvious to me, in defense of my wife, that she now regarded me as the enemy within the gates. If you believed that the eternal destiny of every person depended on a decision they made to accept Christ as their savior, then what would you do if your precious children could now be influenced by someone living in the same household that did not believe that that was true? I was now that influence and she obviously believed she needed to guard her children against their own father. The best way to do this was to begin to turn them against me. This is often known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Parental Alienation Syndrome is most often seen in those going through a divorce where one parent wants to ensure that they get custody of the children. However, in my case, my wife did not believe in divorce. So she had to find another way of getting custody or, better yet, guardianship of the children. She began to accomplish this by attempting to turn my children against me and then, the coup de grace, getting me accused of molestation. This one accusation could force the hand of the local government, particularly Social Services (DSS). Even if I am found not guilty, DSS could still keep me from living in the same home as my children, having only the right to supervised visitation. By this accusation, my wife had found the Holy Grail to removing the enemy within the gates while not having to divorce me. She found a way to keep the children from coming under the influence of their heathen father.
Here are a few links on PAS:
http://www.paskids.com/
http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/walsh99.htm
Spiritual Abuse
In this country we have physical abuse, mental abuse, drug abuse and now we have spiritual abuse. This is just another way of talking about a church whose leadership is on the verge of becoming cult-like. This phenomenon is so wide-spread that articles are beginning to pop up here and there within Christian circles in order to help unsuspecting people evaluate their leaders and their churches.
According to some articles on spiritual abuse the leaders involved are often very charismatic and their churches are filled with dedicated and enthusiastic members. Often the people attending are very sincere in their desire to serve god and to want to live their lives according to biblical teachings. However, it is often possible for abusive leaders to take advantage of the sincerity of their people, using the Bible as a tool to push people toward a desired end. As time progresses, it is no longer even the Bible that is being followed, but the traditions of the sect and the wishes of their leaders.
I had experienced this type of mentality at Heritage Baptist Church. It was often difficult for families to leave our congregation. The pastor would attempt to schedule a meeting with the head of the family that left in order to talk about why they had moved on. During the meeting the pastor would sit and quietly listen to the reasons given and then the interrogation would begin.
According to some articles on spiritual abuse the leaders involved are often very charismatic and their churches are filled with dedicated and enthusiastic members. Often the people attending are very sincere in their desire to serve god and to want to live their lives according to biblical teachings. However, it is often possible for abusive leaders to take advantage of the sincerity of their people, using the Bible as a tool to push people toward a desired end. As time progresses, it is no longer even the Bible that is being followed, but the traditions of the sect and the wishes of their leaders.
I had experienced this type of mentality at Heritage Baptist Church. It was often difficult for families to leave our congregation. The pastor would attempt to schedule a meeting with the head of the family that left in order to talk about why they had moved on. During the meeting the pastor would sit and quietly listen to the reasons given and then the interrogation would begin.
The pastor had a philosophy. He believed that people would begin to become disquieted because of some false perception that they had developed. He called it an imagination. He used Second Corinthians 10:5 as his basis:
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
According to the context of this passage, believers are not fighting against flesh, but against spiritual powers. The real battle, therefore, is in the realm of the spirit. Men, being vastly ignorant of the existence of this spiritual realm, can easily be influenced by the demons that dwell therein. As such, a person leaving our church was thought to be most likely under the influence of imaginations (false thoughts put there to cause them to do that which is against the clear teachings of the Bible). The pastor would do his best to tear down these imaginations in order help the person see that they did not have a biblical reason to leave the church and, thus, should return to the assembly.
A meeting like this would often stretch into an hour. The man being thus interviewed would become uncomfortable and eventually just want to stop talking. Whether the man's reasons to leave were valid or not, he would simply come to the point where he would just express his desire to leave, not caring if his reasons were valid or not. As a result of this behavior, rumors began to circulate that the pastor was once a naval interrogator, which we found humorous because the pastor had been in the Army, not the Navy. Secondly, people would leave the church and simply would not say anything. If the pastor showed up at their house to confront them about their choice to leave, they would simply say that they did not want to talk about it.
Recently I met a friend that had been a disciple of the pastor of Heritage Baptist Church. This was well before he went off and began his own congregation. This friend had eventually left the faith. That was over eight years ago. Even so, this friend still receives communication from the pastor from time to time, encouraging them to return to the faith that they had left. One thing is for certain, this man simply will not let go.
Spiritual abuse is happening in many churches throughout our country and across the world. Whatever your belief in god and the Bible, this sort of thing cannot continue to go on. Abuse, of any nature, is abhorrent. And this is especially so when a group of people have opened themselves up and devoted themselves to a cause, such as many Christian people do.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Reading My Story
Due to the nature of a BLOG, the newest post shows up first, as it should. Because I broke the posting of my story into parts, the first part shows up last. There are links to the left and I would recommend reading in this order:
Making the News
Making the news is not always a good thing. Despite my incarceration having occurred on September the 8th, a news report about it did not come out until November 12th. Another man from the church I used to attend, Dean Stone, had turned himself into police and confessed to some 24 counts various sexual acts with a minor. Because we had both been a part of the same church, the news decided to report on me as well.
My charge was touching a child in the area of her chest (one count). Mr. Stone's charge was 24 counts and much worse. However, the news report seems to want to lump me in with him. When I first found out about this, I was crushed. I was afraid to come out of the hotel room where I am now living.
Here is the link to the report:
And Now, the Rest of the Story ...
I was a man on a quest again. I had to learn the truth. There should be no fear in looking for answers. Even the Bible said ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32). Freedom was to be found in the truth and I desperately wanted freedom.
Over the past several years, as I served Christ, I felt more and more restricted. More and more bound. I found myself sleeping less and wanting to get out of what I was doing. I was not content, but felt more like a trapped animal. All this time I thought it was my own sinful nature rearing its head and I did not realize it was my mind calling out for me to be rational ... to think again. I suppressed my thoughts, but that only made things worse. But then I realized, I should not be afraid of the truth. If God is who He says He is, then I will discover this and the end result is that I will know Him better and be able to serve Him better. However, if He is not who He says He is, then I need to stop living a lie and move on with my life!
Many doubts began to arise in me and I wanted to seek the answers of other like-minded Baptists. I did not want to talk to the other pastor I served with. I wanted to do this anonymously. I found a Baptist forum on the Internet and posted a brief of my history and some of my doubts. What occurred surprised me. I was attacked! Some of the members simply assumed I was an atheist come to attempt to change their ways. I found no love and no help. Even so, I continued to try to ask questions about the things I was struggling with. Instead of rational answers, they simply threw more Bible verses at me, verses that did not answer the questions. Others simply told me that they would pray for me.
I decided to try something different. I found a web site for those that had left the faith (www.exchristian.net). I shared the same story and my questions. To my surprise, I found a loving group of people who were willing to help me find answers. I was amazed. I had been taught that atheists were cruel and amoral people that had no structure to guide them. I found that notion to be utterly false. As I began to research my doubts and look at the Bible with a new set eyes, I came to the conclusion that I had been living a lie and that I needed to leave the ministry. This was a life-changing decision, but I did not realize how it would change everything around me.
When I felt I could, I approached and told my wife of my new decision. The next day I told Pastor Barton and I stepped down from the ministry. I was a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I was free! I could think again. I could dream! It was the most liberating experience I can ever recall! On the other hand, I knew that my decision would break my wife's heart and would cause a multitude of problems for Heritage Baptist Church and Pastor Barton in particular. Even so, I could not live a lie. I had to live as I believed. When I believed in Christ, I lived accordingly. When I ceased believing in Christ, I lived accordingly.
My pastor's reaction surprised me. Instead of showing the Christian love that he had preached, he began to blame me for a multitude of problems that would occur as a result of my sudden decision. My wife's reaction was even more surprising. She took me aside to tell me that she was praying for me. She then said these words, "I am praying two things for you: that you will either get right with God or that He will take you out!"
I asked, "Are you praying for my death?"
She replied, "God's honor is worth more than anything."
I was shocked. Here was the woman I was married to for 15 years praying that God would kill me. I didn't know what to say. But things did not get better for me, but worse. The next day my oldest son came to me and said, "Mom says you are an anti-Christ and under a delusion."
She had had a Bible study with the children and wanted to warn them about their father. During my coming out of the faith, I did not attempt to stop my wife from having Bible studies with the children and I did not try to keep them from going to church. But my wife was working hard to keep the children from me. She made it clear to me on several occasions that she did not want my children with me.
Then meetings began to be arranged with my wife and the pastor. I was never told what the phone calls were about. I did not ask. After all, I trusted my wife. I thought, despite her prayer for my death, that she loved me. I did not know what was being planned.
On Saturday evening, one of my children came to me and told me that their mother was trying to find a place for each of them to spend the night on Sunday. She said she just wanted them to be able to spend some time with some of their friends. On Sunday my two daughters decided that they would go, but my two sons stayed. On Monday morning, I woke up to find my wife gone. The house was pretty empty except for me and my sons. I went to work. At about 12:30 or so there was a knock on the door. I answered it to find two women detectives standing there asking for me to step outside. I did. They then showed me a warrant for my arrest! I was being charged with aggravated sexual assault on a child who was less than 13! I was dumbfounded as they hauled me off to jail.
I was placed in jail without bond. The next day the Pastor Barton came to visit me. He pointed a finger at me and said, "See where leaving God has gotten you!" I was crushed. I spent the next 50+ days in jail before I was finally allowed to get out on bond. I am now facing several months of court dates in an attempt to prove that I did not do that for which I am accused. My wife had placed a protective order against me and for the last two months I have not heard or seen my children. I am not permitted, by law, to see them.
Did I do the crime? No. I left the faith. I walked away from the ministry and made a decision to follow what I truly believe. Frankly, this crushed my wife. Her dreams of one day returning to Israel were dashed. Her dreams of being married to a dynamic preacher of God's word were over. And so she cast me away. The pastor of Heritage Baptist Church was mad as well. I believe he wanted to humble me in an attempt to bring me back to the faith and to the church. My wife had met with Pastor Barton and, via the phone, another minister. They recommended the solution to her: get the authorities involved. They did.
I have so far learned a lot from my experiences. The church's message of love only extends to those that embrace the church. Leave her and experience her wrath. I also learned that innocent until proven guilty is not a part of our country any longer. According to much of what I have read, people who are falsely accused of molesting or abusing a child are likely to be convicted of the crime, even if there is no evidence. According to one web site mothers who bring the accusation are much more likely to be believed even in the face of the evidence. All it takes is an unfounded accusation to potentially have your life taken away.
This is my story. I decided, of my own free will, to leave the faith. Those that were once my friends, and even my dearest love, chose to cast me to the wolves instead of continue to love me as I am. As a result, I have decided to take a stand for freedom! I have decided to speak out for our fundamental right to think for our own selves and to not be persecuted for thinking contrary to those that are around you. Our thoughts make up who we are. No one has the right to try to force us to think according to their ways. Our minds are wonderful things, capable of reason, discovery and creativity. No one should seek to destroy your life because you dare to think!
The Turning Point ...
After returning to the United States we began to attend Heritage Baptist Church in Vinton, Virginia. We thought we had found our dream church. The congregation was warm and loving. The church's methodology was to keep families together. In most churches we had experience with, children went to a children's Sunday School and then to Children's Church during the normal church service. At Heritage, there was no segregation of the family. Children stayed with their parents throughout the service, sitting by their families sides and listening to the same preaching and teaching as mommy and daddy. The children in this church environment seemed to act very mature. Their attention seemed to be on heavenly things. After some time of attending there I became a leader of teachers for a part of the service called Family School (or version of Sunday School, but for the entire family) and then later was accepted as a pastor of the church alongside the founding pastor, Bob Barton.
During this time I was a busy man. Finances were tight and besides the ministry, I was doing computer graphic work on the side to try to make ends meet. I was also teaching in other churches. A typical schedule for me would include helping on Sunday morning (if I was not scheduled to preach), teaching a class such as a New Testament Survey on Monday nights, teaching classes on Wednesdays, such as Messianic Prophecies or a course I had developed called the Biblical Perspective of Israel. Besides ministry and work, we homeschooled our kids and I had a part in that as well. Needless to say, I was working most of my waking hours. Most nights I was not getting very much sleep.
As time went on and my schedule became more hectic, some of the thoughts I had tossed into the back of my head began to surface. Some of these thoughts contained doubts about what I was doing. Some were doubts about what I was teaching. In most cases I cast these thoughts aside. Christianity had taught me that thoughts like these were either a part of my own sinful nature or an attack from the devil, God's ancient enemy. How could I even trust my own thoughts? After all, the Bible was clear that the heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked (according to Jeremiah 17:9)? It became even more imperative to pray and to give myself to Christ ... to die to self and to live unto God.
But my prayers seemed to go unheeded. In fact, I began to notice things that really caught my attention. My wife is an extremely religious woman. She believes the Bible to be literally true and would spend the first hour of her day reading the Scriptures. The next hour was devoted to prayer. A large portion of our prayer was for our children. Over the years we saw quite a rebellious spirit arise in each of our kids. We had desired that they would become godly offspring, willing to sacrifice their own lives for the cause of Christ. As they rebelled and seemed dead set on pursuing their own ways, we pleaded with them, we educated them in the ways of Christ, we chastened them when necessary and, above all things, we prayed for them. However, it seemed that prayer was not effective. No matter how many hours my godly wife prayed, no matter how many times either of us hit our knees, our children did not change. We began to doubt their salvation. I began to doubt God.
The Bible declares that God is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance (Second Peter 3:9). The Bible declares that God died for all (John 3:16). The Bible declares over and over again God's desire for a godly seed and for a holy people to follow him. The Bible told us that if we prayed anything in accordance with His will, he would grant it (First John 5:14, John 14:13; 15:16; 16:23). We prayed according to the clear will of God as revealed in the Scriptures and, despite that, things only grew worse in our family. My doubts began to raise their ugly heads again.
The Beginning of My Story
My story, like anyone else's, begins at my birth. I was born into a typical American family. My father was Jewish and my mother was not. Neither were religious. And, as a result, I was not raised within the confines of any particular religion. I grew up not giving it much thought. At the age of 21 I joined the Marine Corps and, in 1990, was sent to Saudi Arabia to help liberate Kuwait during Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm. It was during this time that I began to see some men turn to God.
After returning to the States in 1991, I began my own personal quest. I wanted to know if God was real. I first went to my battalion chaplain, who was a Roman Catholic. When he found out I was from Jewish decent (with a name like Silverman, who would have thought that?) he sent me to the base rabbi. However, this rabbi spoke of God like some impersonal force that was out there ... a force that could be tapped into for either good or bad. This did not sit well with me.
Along the way of my quest, I met some people that were a part of a Bible believing church. I was told that I needed to be born again. Eventually, I came to the place where I said a sinner's prayer and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. From that point on my life was forever changed.
When I was honorably discharged from the Marine Corps, I relocated to Winston-Salem, North Carolina and began to attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). My goal was to train to be a pastor. During a mission's conference at the school I came believe that God was calling me to be a missionary, but I did not know where He wanted me to serve. It was at this time that I met the young woman that would soon become my wife. She told me about going to Israel as a missionary. I believed that I had my answer from God and began to focus on the land of Israel.
We married and began to pursue moving to Israel. It was not easy and many years went by. In the process, four wonderful children were born. We were determined to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Along the way, I had served as an interim pastor at one church and an elder at another. When the timing seemed right and the finances were there, we moved our family to Israel, where we stayed for the next four-and-a-half years of our lives.
In Israel we served at a local assembly in Jerusalem for three-and-a-half years and then moved to start a new work in the northern part of Israel above the Sea of Galilee. After a year there we saw the need to return to the USA in order to help take care of my wife's mother, who was aging and failing in health. I also wanted to continue my education and pursue my Masters degree.
I write all this so that you can know a bit about my life. During this phase, I was dedicated to serving the Lord. I had taught in many churches and have taught the Bible in places such as the United States, Israel and Mexico. It was the Lord and His Word, the Bible, that guided all that I did, all that I thought and by which we, as a family, tried to conform our lives. I was what some would call a Bible Thumper. I believed in the strict, literal interpretation of the Bible. To me, doctrine, hermeneutics and exegetical teaching were everything. But along the journey, there were some things that did not sit well with me. I logged them into the back of my mind and continued on my way until one day I was forced to confront them.
My story is about confronting those thoughts and what happened as a result.
Don't Ever Stop Thinking!
What is my story and why would anyone want to know it? I believe that my story, my life, is important, not because of who I am, but because of what has been going on in my life over the past several months. Imagine, if you will, finding your friends and family turning away from you because of a simple decision that was made. Imagine that this decision was not to commit some evil crime, but simply to start thinking for one's own self. Imagine that as you begin to explore your newfound freedom of thought, you find yourself being arrested. And why? Because those that had once loved you feared the decision you had made and wanted to take away your liberty.
My story is about freedom for all by advocating the right for each man and woman to think for their own selves. As I put together the pieces of my story please understand that what I will reveal here is true. I will not pull any punches as I tell it. I will try my best not to tear down others and so I may speak of a person by title and not by name. My goal is not to slander another individual. My agenda is simple: to get the truth out about my story. My hope is that like-minded people will see what is happening to me and others like me and will decide to no longer stand quietly by as our freedoms are being eroded away. What may surprise you about my story is that something like this is happening in 21st century America. What may also be surprising is that the yoke of oppression is being place upon people by those with a message of love, hope and freedom. Instead, they bring fear and bondage.
However, as human beings with great minds, we can think for our own selves. We can reason. We can explore. And we can come to conclusions. It is our minds, and what we do with them, that separate us from the rest of life on this planet. It is our ability to reason, to think and to be creative that makes us special. When someone attempts to take away our reason and to shunt our creativity, then we are diminished and brought closer to the animal and further from our potential as human beings. Don't let others think for you. As you read my story, I hope that you will draw courage to think for your own selves. Because, no matter how bad my story is or how terrible it could get, I would trade it for nothing. For, you see, my mind is now free. I can think again. And for that I am quite grateful.
Getting the Story Out
In recent days it has become imperative that I get out my story. Over the next days I will endeavor to do just that. My story is not important because I am important. Many who may visit this blog may not even know who I am. My story is important because of the circumstances that brought me to this point in my life. We live in a country where freedom is (or was) valued above all things. Our freedom, and the freedom of others, is an ideal that drives what we do as a nation. However, there are segments within our society that would desire to reduce or even eliminate our freedoms. What has shocked and surprised me is the people and organizations that are influential in attempting to do away with them.
I believe that by telling my story I may be able to help some people to see more clearly and, as a result, experience true freedom. The most important ... that which no man should have the right to take away from you ... is the freedom to think.
Please stay tuned for my story.
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