Can't Divorce? Brainwash the Kids!

Marriage can be a wonderful institution where two people devote themselves one to the other. However, when marriages go bad things can get out of hand and many can get hurt in the process of a separation or divorce. In some Christian circles the wrong that is done can be greatly amplified because some hold to a biblical teaching that divorce is not permitted. If this was your belief and you suddenly found that your spouse was not who or what you thought he or she was, what would you do to protect yourself and those around you?

As my wife and I studied and ministered over the years, the topic of divorce, marriage and remarriage was something that would come up time and again. Our own personal study of the Bible, as well as that of those within likeminded circles, led us to believe that, not only was god opposed to divorce, but that the Bible forbids it for the believer. As a result, when I de-converted, one thing that I was certain of was that my wife would not seek to divorce me ... at least not without having to drastically change her system of belief. What I did not anticipate is her fight or flight behavior toward my decision.

The very next day after my de-conversion my wife held a Bible study with the children in the basement of our house. It appears she chose the basement , which was unfurnished, in order to keep me from overhearing what she was teaching the family. Later that day, one of the children came to me and I politely asked what the study was about. The child calmly replied, "Mom was teaching that you are an anti-Christ and under a delusion."

It seems obvious to me, in defense of my wife, that she now regarded me as the enemy within the gates. If you believed that the eternal destiny of every person depended on a decision they made to accept Christ as their savior, then what would you do if your precious children could now be influenced by someone living in the same household that did not believe that that was true? I was now that influence and she obviously believed she needed to guard her children against their own father. The best way to do this was to begin to turn them against me. This is often known as Parental Alienation Syndrome.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is most often seen in those going through a divorce where one parent wants to ensure that they get custody of the children. However, in my case, my wife did not believe in divorce. So she had to find another way of getting custody or, better yet, guardianship of the children. She began to accomplish this by attempting to turn my children against me and then, the coup de grace, getting me accused of molestation. This one accusation could force the hand of the local government, particularly Social Services (DSS). Even if I am found not guilty, DSS could still keep me from living in the same home as my children, having only the right to supervised visitation. By this accusation, my wife had found the Holy Grail to removing the enemy within the gates while not having to divorce me. She found a way to keep the children from coming under the influence of their heathen father.

Here are a few links on PAS:

http://www.paskids.com/
http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/walsh99.htm