I do believe that my wife had my children in mind the entire time that she was talking to the police and arranging to have me arrested. In order to understand this, we need to enter into her mind and the minds of others that are like her. My wife is a woman who loves the Lord Jesus Christ above anything and everything. I am not exaggerating this. Even being married to her I was always keenly aware that her love for me was second to her love for Jesus. Everything was to be done for his glory and for his honor. Her consistency in reading her Bible and praying daily was not out of some religious ritual, but out of an honest desire to spend time with the Lord. She is one that demonstrated, on many levels, that she loved the Lord with all her might, all of her strength and all of her mind. This is who my wife is.
When you factor this into the equation, what happened at my home was very easy to understand. She was married to a man that was preaching the Word of God. She had the hopes of returning to the land of Israel to carry on the work of the Lord in proclaiming the Gospel to the lost. She had the precious hope that her children would be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that very little outside influences would come into our home in an attempt to steal away the souls of our precious children.
Outside influences were kept to a minimal. As the children began to play outside and make friends in the neighborhood, my wife would begin to restrict these friendships out of fear that our children would be attracted to the world. Slowly my children were reduced to having friends that were a part of our church. And because most of these people were scattered around the Roanoke region, my children rarely got to spend time with friends during the week. So getting together with friends was before and after the church service. This sounds strict (and it is), but the souls of children are precious, are they not?
According to the Bible, God will not tolerate sin in his presence. All men, according to the Scriptures, are sinners. Therefore, no man, woman or child can come into the presence of God and live. As a result, God's law demanded that all sinners be eternally separated from Him. People who remain in their sins when they die are sent to a place called Hell in order to keep sin from the presence of God. This punishment, according to the Bible, is eternal, having no hope of escape. However, according to the biblical text, God provided a means of escape in this life if we would simply accept the sacrifice of his son, Jesus, who, according to the Bible, died in our place, taking our punishment upon himself, so that we would not have to suffer the penalty of eternal condemnation.
If you believe that this is true, that there is no other way to escape an eternity of punishment in flames of fire than to accept Jesus and have faith in his finished work on the cross, then what would you do if your spouse suddenly becomes a heathen in the midst? What would you do if, for years, you have been trying to keep the world away from your kids and now the world is in the midst of your very own home? When I de-converted I became, in the eyes of my wife, a pagan, a heathen and an anit-Christ ("anti" means "opposed to"). What my wife had so desperately fought against was now, not only on the doorstep, but in her very home! The eternal destinies of her four precious children were at risk! Thieves had broken in unaware and were about to steal the souls of those that she had labored to bring forth into the world! What would you do (if you believed in Christ and his message of eternal salvation so strongly)?
So, I don't think my wife was intending to cause mental anguish to my children. I think she was trying to save their souls. I think she was trying to remove an element from the home (me!) that she considered dangerous, just as she had removed any TVs, video games or children's videos that she deemed wordly. If the item did not set out to glorify God, then it was not allowed in our home! I no longer glorified God. I was no longer welcome there.
Do I think this mentality is right? No! Of course not. But I do believe that my wife is behaving within her character ... within her belief system. I cannot blame her for that. No, in relation to our children, I think she acted out of love ... as she understands love. However, her mind is so clouded by religion that I don't think she really understands honest to goodness love. If love is being willing to sacrifice those closest to you because they reject God, then how is this love? Does not the Bible even echo this:
For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? - Matthew 5:46
And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. - Luke 6:33
