What Planet Were You From?!?

Some who are reading this blog may walk away shaking their heads wondering what kind of religion my family and I were mixed up in. Some of the folks posting comments here and emailing me come from a variety of backgrounds. Some grew up Catholic. Others were a part of some other Christian denomination. And some attended churches that had strict rules while others attended fellowships with very few rules. As a result of the diverse groups within the realm of Christianity, I believe it is important to let people know a bit about my Christian background. This may give some understanding to those that are not familiar with it and also help those that were a part of it understand where I have come from.

I did not come to believe in Jesus until I was 25 years old and I was not raised in a religious home. In fact, my father is Jewish (with a name like Silverman, who would have guessed?). So for the first part of my life religion really didn't factor into it. After accepting Jesus I began to attend an Independent Baptist church. The pastor thought I should go to Bible college and recommended that I attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). This school further taught me the concepts adhered to by many Independent Baptists.

The first thing I should say is that not every Independent Baptist church is the same. After all, they are "independent". But they do tend to stick to the same basic doctrines. After all, they are "Baptists". These doctrines, or teachings, would include such things as the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith alone and the Bible consisting of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments. Concerning the Bible, it was to be interpreted literally. This meant that the the common sense reading of the text was to be understood as what the Bible really meant. Therefore, if the Bible says that God created everything in six days and rested on the seventh, then there was no room for anything more than six literal 24-hour days. Another rule that governed us when it came to the Bible was to compare Scripture with Scripture in order to let the Bible interpret itself.

By this understanding, some Independent Baptist churches came to some strict conclusions concerning behavior and modesty. The man was to be the head of the household. All were to dress modestly and the women were to not adorn themselves with clothing that could be mistaken for men's clothes. Children were to be disciplined via corporal punishment. And there were many other such rules that came to govern us based on our understanding of the Bible as taken from a literal perspective.

As our family continued to study the Bible and attempt to apply it to our lives, we found our lives becoming more and more strict. We eventually had no TV in our home and movies were certainly out of the question. The only music we were to have was Christian (and certainly not Christian rock, rap or anything even remotely connected to today's music). My daughters were to dress in long, loose skirts, loose jumpers and dresses. They could not wear any kind of pants and certainly not shorts. Even when they went out to play they had to have on their jumpers. If they wanted to do cartwheels then they could put on sweats underneath their jumpers, but they could not wear them without their jumpers. The girls could not even have fingernail polish, though that was something my wife wanted and not strictly enforced by the church we were a part of.

On some occasions my daughters would come home and tell us that some of the neighborhood children had asked if we were Amish or Mennonite. They asked this because of how the girls dressed. Others, who were not members of our church, wondered the same thing when they went by our church and saw us worshiping. We simply did not look "Baptist" to them.

As we strove to remove more and more of the "world" from our home, life became more restrictive for our children. They started to make friends with the neighborhood kids, but soon my wife would worry about this. She would think that the "unsaved" children in the neighborhood would influence our children and possibly cause them to turn away from Christ. Frequently my wife would come to me and tell me that she did not want our children playing with the neighborhood kids. Eventually my children learned, for the most part, to play amongst themselves. My kids were not completely cut off from the people all around us. They were welcome to be witnesses and to tell people the Gospel!

Yes, as the head of the household, I was certainly moving in this direction. I am just as responsible for bringing this on my house and on my children as anyone else. I am not innocent here. But perhaps this little insight into our lives can help you to understand the background that I came from and where my wife still is.

Want to Support Me?

I am stunned by the number of visits this blog has had today and the number of emails I have received! I can hardly keep up with it! Thank you! It is amazing and very uplifting!

Several of you had asked about helping in some way and some of you even asked about funds for my defense. Right from the get go I want to say that I did not create this blog to ask for funds from anyone. I believe that asking for money for my defense would cheapen the story. The purpose of this blog is to get the story out ... to tell my side of it, giving people the opportunity to think about the things I have written here.

Even so, some people might still want to help. If this is the case, then I have a suggestion. I am a professional graphic artist that specializes in traditional pencil and ink drawings, 2D computer graphic arts and 3D modeling. If any of you need any graphical work (web site graphics and layout, company logo designs, book covers (I have done dozens of novel covers that are in print), magazine covers, 3D models, etc) please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to work for pay and, frankly, I need to rebuild my business after my involuntary vacation in jail. So if any of you need any graphical work done or know someone that does, please think of me. I am more than happy to forward you examples of my work. My web site for real-time 3D graphics can be found at the following URL:

http://www.m3dd.com

I am in the process of creating a resume site for the rest of my graphical work.

Thank you.

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Am I Angry?

I have received a lot of emails from people wondering why I seem so forgiving and stating that they would be very angry if they were going through what I am going through. So the question might be, "Am I angry?" That depends. I will try to express what I feel as well as what I am going through in this article.

If you have read My Story or the original articles on this blog, then you know I spent 50+ days in jail. Was I angry then? Yes! Most certainly! My first few days in jail I was frightened in so many ways. I had never been in jail before and I did not know what to expect. Also, the entire ordeal was just so unreal! One day I was celebrating my freedom of mind via my de-conversion and five days later I am being arrested!

After a few days, fear gave way to anger. I was angry that my wife had done this to me! I was angry at the pastor of that church! Several of us in jail would talk about what women had done to us and we would all get angry (and, no, I don't hate women)! But when I finally got out of jail on bond, I realized that I no longer really knew who I was!

You see, almost two decades as a Christian had formed me into who I was. My character (for the most part) and what I deemed "right" and "wrong" were all controlled by the Bible and by the standards of the church. Now that I was no longer under that authority, I was free, but I was also something new. I had to decide what I was and what I wanted to be. I decided that I didn't want to be an angry person. I decided that I did want people to treat me fairly and that I should treat them fairly. I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt and so I decided to give others that same benefit.

Now, I don't always succeed. All of this is still very fresh to me ... I am still going through it. And so, from time to time, I do get quite upset. At other times I simply break down, sob and loose it. I feel quite betrayed. However, I bet my wife does, too. Her reasons for feeling betrayed, I believe, are based on her understanding of the Bible and her desire that our entire family would faithfully serve God all our days. My reasons are obvious to most people who read this blog.

All in all, I am not angry ... not at the moment ;) . That could change. I get hate mail (via email) and things like this. I get people who don't know the accusation against me who speak about this case and use words like "rape". This all has the potential to make me angry. But I want to be the better person.

You know, now that I think about it. As a Christian I had a bit of anger. I would yell in my house from time to time when things weren't going well. But, since leaving the faith, I have not been tempted to yell at all. It is amazing to me that I found peace as I have, despite my circumstances, OUTSIDE of the Christian faith.

Using Judgment ...

My blog and my story have been picked up by a few people in recent days and, as a result, I am getting a lot more comments and emails than normal. Thank you ... all of you ... both Christian and non-Christian. I do appreciate it.

Having said that, I would humbly ask that we be careful how we judge my wife. There are a few things that I would ask us all to understand:

1) Despite all that I have revealed in this blog, I cannot share all the events about this case. There are some things that I just cannot talk about legally. This means that this blog does not and cannot contain all the information needed for anyone to really judge either side of this. Yes! I maintain my innocence! However, the readers of this blog cannot have all the facts.

2) The accusation did not originate with my wife. Therefore I don't believe that she is "lying". I think that she is choosing to believe that I am guilty. The main reason for this is that she believes that, without Christ, a person has no moral under pinning and, as a result, any evil is possible without the Holy Spirit's indwelling. This accusation may have become an easy way to remove the "heathen" influence from the home (and that, in and of itself is wrong, in my opinion), but this does not mean that my wife is purposefully lying.

3) Just as it is not right that so many have judged me by what others are saying about me without being willing to hear my side of the story, it is equally wrong (in my opinion) to judge in my favor without hearing the other side of the story. I certainly maintain that I am innocent. However, I respect the fact that there are two sides to the story and this blog only represents my side.

I certainly would not tell any of you to not share your thoughts, ideas and opinions about all of this, but I would ask for caution. If I am asking people to treat me fairly, then I would want them to treat my wife fairly as well. I had determined a long time ago not be angry at how I am being treated. I went through anger while in jail and, for the most part, I am over it.

For any questions that go beyond what I can reveal on this blog, please use my email address. It is on the left side. I will do my best to answer each and every email I get.

Thank you.

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Why I Started This Blog ...

... and why I am going to take it off line.

I started this blog as a knee jerk reaction the the local Channel 7 News report that had come out back in November. In that report, I was mentioned along with another man from the same church that had been accused of far more than I had, yet I was lumped in along side him. This frightened me! For several days I was even afraid to leave my room! Several people that were in communication with me suggested that I start a blog with the idea of me being able to tell my side of the story. As a result, this blog was born.

But I now realize what a selfish thing this was. I have a wife and, though I am opposed to what she is doing to both myself and the children, she is still is my wife. I cannot see how this blog could possibly help our situation. I created this blog out of concern to protect myself, but I did not give much thought to what affect this could have on my wife. In fact, I don't know what affect it is or is not having, but I can only imagine how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps some here would think something like, "Who cares how she feels after what she has done to you?" But I do. Despite the pain, she is still my wife.

Secondly, I never wanted to be in the spot light about all of this. My original plan was to just survive ... to get through this and do what I could to get my family back. But the news report scared me! I felt I needed to do my own "reporting" (so to speak) so that my side could be known. I no longer feel this way. I don't believe that this blog can do or is doing any real good at the moment. Therefore, I plan to take it down. I will give it a week or so and that only so people can read this post.

What it all comes down to is that I love my kids. I want to be a part of their lives and, in order to do that, I have to continue to endure some garbage and muck through it until this is all over with. This blog is not going to help me achieve that goal (not that I can see). I don't want to be in the public's eye. I don't really want to rattle anyone's cage. I just want to get through tomorrow and be their for my children when this is over. That is all. Nothing more.

Court Update

First of all, please forgive me for the delay in adding anything to my blog. I have been very busy lately. However, I realize that some of you reading this blog may not be able to readily discover what is going on with me. Therefore, I wanted to give a brief update.

On Tuesday, December 2nd, I had to appear in court for the preliminary hearing. This is where the prosecution presents evidence to the court in order to establish if there is a case. If there is not sufficient evidence for a case, the judge will throw it out and it all ends right there. If there is enough evidence, then the case is certified by the judge and then it is presented to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury is basically a checks-and-balances system. They look over the case and the judge's finding and then also certify the case. This is known as an indictment. Once that is done, the case is then set for trial.

In my situation, the judge certified the case and the Grand Jury indicted me. In the case of a verbal accusation of abuse (physical or sexual) all that is needed is a testimony. This was given and therefore the case now goes to trial. A "soft" date has been set for the trial, but it will most likely change. Once I have more information I will update all of you as I am able.

Please understand that I cannot speak about everything on this blog as much of it is a part of the court case. Some people, who know more about my situation, have claimed that I am not telling all of the truth here on this blog. Some of that stems from the fact that I cannot reveal all the information here in this very public place because of the actual case. For example, I cannot reveal who the accuser is. People may speculate about it, but I cannot say. Even the news, when reporting on this case, does not reveal that piece of information despite the fact that they know.

The case will go to trial. What happens to me will be determined in about a month (or more) in a case that is estimated to last about two hours (or less). Even if I am found not guilty, I will still have a legal battle with Social Services as they are independent of the court and their decision.

Wonderful Day!

Today was a wonderful day (and, after all that I have been going through, I needed it)! I was able to see two of my children today ... my two boys! Because of the protective order my wife placed against me, I am not allowed to have any form of communication with my wife or any of my four children. If I were to be walking down the street and happen to see my family walking my way, I am instructed to turn around and get away as fast as I can! However, Social Services has arranged for me to have supervised visits.

I was arrested on September 8th and so it has been nearly three months since I have been able to see my children or hear their voices. When I was in jail I would dream of them almost every night. And, to be frank, as I was anticipating seeing them again I was quite scared! I did not know what to expect. Would they accept me? Would they shy away from me? How would they react to their father?

I showed up at the Social Services office about a half an hour early. To my surprise, my wife and two boys were already in the waiting room. When my youngest son saw me he began to run to me, arms held wide open for a hug! What a joy! But there was a problem! Without the Social Services case worker present, I was still ruled by the protective order! I put forth my hand, palm forward and said, "I'm sorry son, but I cannot talk to you yet." He seemed to understand and went back to his mother. I retreated to the hall and waited for the case worker. After three months of not seeing my children, the first words out of my mouth had to be, "I cannot talk to you." Ugh!

Soon the case worker came and I was ushered, with the boys, into a room where we could be "alone" while under surveillance. We hugged and cried and talked about a range of subjects including cars (my oldest is 14 and what teenage boy does not like cars?), school, friends and things like that. We had a grand time. When the case worker returned to tell us our time was done, my boys begged her to schedule another meeting! I was overjoyed! But then we had to part.

I wept walking down the hall and down the stairs. I gathered myself together as best I could and made it to my car. Then I wept most of the way home. No father should have to be separated from his children. Not like this. The joy of seeing them, of hugging them, of hearing their voices ... it was without comparison! But so was the sorrow at our departure.

Even so, the case worker says we can meet again next week! I look forward to it!

Been Persecuted?

Have you left the faith and suffered for it? Have people who name the name of Christ tried to ruin your good name? Have those that say that their God is love and that they are commanded to love even their enemies treated you distastefully?

If this has been the case for you, then I am asking you to leave a comment here and tell us briefly what you had experienced.