Thank You!

I just wanted to take a moment to publicly thank each of you that have either linked to this blog or wrote an article on your own blog about me and my story! Thank you! I truly appreciate all that each of you have done!

Suffer the Little Children ...

Some people have asked me about my children. They wanted to know, in all that is going on, didn't the church or my wife think about the children before bringing this accusation against me. On the surface, it would be easy to think that the pastor and my wife are cold-hearted people that are simply out to get me and that my children are being sacrificed at the altar. But this is not the case ... not from their perspective. In fact, I have to be careful as well. In the process of telling my story, I could end up appearing to not care about my children as I write about my own personal situation. So, with that in mind, let's explore the mentality of some, like my wife, when it comes to their children.

I do believe that my wife had my children in mind the entire time that she was talking to the police and arranging to have me arrested. In order to understand this, we need to enter into her mind and the minds of others that are like her. My wife is a woman who loves the Lord Jesus Christ above anything and everything. I am not exaggerating this. Even being married to her I was always keenly aware that her love for me was second to her love for Jesus. Everything was to be done for his glory and for his honor. Her consistency in reading her Bible and praying daily was not out of some religious ritual, but out of an honest desire to spend time with the Lord. She is one that demonstrated, on many levels, that she loved the Lord with all her might, all of her strength and all of her mind. This is who my wife is.

When you factor this into the equation, what happened at my home was very easy to understand. She was married to a man that was preaching the Word of God. She had the hopes of returning to the land of Israel to carry on the work of the Lord in proclaiming the Gospel to the lost. She had the precious hope that her children would be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that very little outside influences would come into our home in an attempt to steal away the souls of our precious children.

Outside influences were kept to a minimal. As the children began to play outside and make friends in the neighborhood, my wife would begin to restrict these friendships out of fear that our children would be attracted to the world. Slowly my children were reduced to having friends that were a part of our church. And because most of these people were scattered around the Roanoke region, my children rarely got to spend time with friends during the week. So getting together with friends was before and after the church service. This sounds strict (and it is), but the souls of children are precious, are they not?

According to the Bible, God will not tolerate sin in his presence. All men, according to the Scriptures, are sinners. Therefore, no man, woman or child can come into the presence of God and live. As a result, God's law demanded that all sinners be eternally separated from Him. People who remain in their sins when they die are sent to a place called Hell in order to keep sin from the presence of God. This punishment, according to the Bible, is eternal, having no hope of escape. However, according to the biblical text, God provided a means of escape in this life if we would simply accept the sacrifice of his son, Jesus, who, according to the Bible, died in our place, taking our punishment upon himself, so that we would not have to suffer the penalty of eternal condemnation.

If you believe that this is true, that there is no other way to escape an eternity of punishment in flames of fire than to accept Jesus and have faith in his finished work on the cross, then what would you do if your spouse suddenly becomes a heathen in the midst? What would you do if, for years, you have been trying to keep the world away from your kids and now the world is in the midst of your very own home? When I de-converted I became, in the eyes of my wife, a pagan, a heathen and an anit-Christ ("anti" means "opposed to"). What my wife had so desperately fought against was now, not only on the doorstep, but in her very home! The eternal destinies of her four precious children were at risk! Thieves had broken in unaware and were about to steal the souls of those that she had labored to bring forth into the world! What would you do (if you believed in Christ and his message of eternal salvation so strongly)?

So, I don't think my wife was intending to cause mental anguish to my children. I think she was trying to save their souls. I think she was trying to remove an element from the home (me!) that she considered dangerous, just as she had removed any TVs, video games or children's videos that she deemed wordly. If the item did not set out to glorify God, then it was not allowed in our home! I no longer glorified God. I was no longer welcome there.

Do I think this mentality is right? No! Of course not. But I do believe that my wife is behaving within her character ... within her belief system. I cannot blame her for that. No, in relation to our children, I think she acted out of love ... as she understands love. However, her mind is so clouded by religion that I don't think she really understands honest to goodness love. If love is being willing to sacrifice those closest to you because they reject God, then how is this love? Does not the Bible even echo this:

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? - Matthew 5:46

And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. - Luke 6:33

In the News Again ...

WDBJ7, one of the local news stations in Roanoke, Virginia, aired a short piece of me this evening. The title of the story is:

News7 Exclusive: Former Vinton church leader says he's not a child molester

I am glad that they gave me an opportunity to declare my innocence and that the title reflects this as well. Here is a link to the story:

http://www.wdbj7.com/Global/story.asp?S=9381008

I just wish they would use some other picture of me.

Update: Maybe they read this blog! They updated the photos. Much nicer. Thank you WDBJ7!

Update: It appears that they have polished the video and re-uploaded it from what aired last night. In the process one line was dropped that was in the original report:

"Since our first story, many viewers have emailed or called us with a variety of concerns about the church."

The above line is still in the transcript on the same page, though.

And Now, the Rest of the Story ...

I was a man on a quest again. I had to learn the truth. There should be no fear in looking for answers. Even the Bible said ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32). Freedom was to be found in the truth and I desperately wanted freedom.

Over the past several years, as I served Christ, I felt more and more restricted. More and more bound. I found myself sleeping less and wanting to get out of what I was doing. I was not content, but felt more like a trapped animal. All this time I thought it was my own sinful nature rearing its head and I did not realize it was my mind calling out for me to be rational ... to think again. I suppressed my thoughts, but that only made things worse. But then I realized, I should not be afraid of the truth. If God is who He says He is, then I will discover this and the end result is that I will know Him better and be able to serve Him better. However, if He is not who He says He is, then I need to stop living a lie and move on with my life!

Many doubts began to arise in me and I wanted to seek the answers of other like-minded Baptists. I did not want to talk to the other pastor I served with. I wanted to do this anonymously. I found a Baptist forum on the Internet and posted a brief of my history and some of my doubts. What occurred surprised me. I was attacked! Some of the members simply assumed I was an atheist come to attempt to change their ways. I found no love and no help. Even so, I continued to try to ask questions about the things I was struggling with. Instead of rational answers, they simply threw more Bible verses at me, verses that did not answer the questions. Others simply told me that they would pray for me.

I decided to try something different. I found a web site for those that had left the faith (www.exchristian.net). I shared the same story and my questions. To my surprise, I found a loving group of people who were willing to help me find answers. I was amazed. I had been taught that atheists were cruel and amoral people that had no structure to guide them. I found that notion to be utterly false. As I began to research my doubts and look at the Bible with a new set eyes, I came to the conclusion that I had been living a lie and that I needed to leave the ministry. This was a life-changing decision, but I did not realize how it would change everything around me.

When I felt I could, I approached and told my wife of my new decision. The next day I told Pastor Barton and I stepped down from the ministry. I was a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I was free! I could think again. I could dream! It was the most liberating experience I can ever recall! On the other hand, I knew that my decision would break my wife's heart and would cause a multitude of problems for Heritage Baptist Church and Pastor Barton in particular. Even so, I could not live a lie. I had to live as I believed. When I believed in Christ, I lived accordingly. When I ceased believing in Christ, I lived accordingly.

My pastor's reaction surprised me. Instead of showing the Christian love that he had preached, he began to blame me for a multitude of problems that would occur as a result of my sudden decision. My wife's reaction was even more surprising. She took me aside to tell me that she was praying for me. She then said these words, "I am praying two things for you: that you will either get right with God or that He will take you out!"

I asked, "Are you praying for my death?"

She replied, "God's honor is worth more than anything."

I was shocked. Here was the woman I was married to for 15 years praying that God would kill me. I didn't know what to say. But things did not get better for me, but worse. The next day my oldest son came to  me and said, "Mom says you are an anti-Christ and under a delusion."

She had had a Bible study with the children and wanted to warn them about their father. During my coming out of the faith, I did not attempt to stop my wife from having Bible studies with the children and I did not try to keep them from going to church. But my wife was working hard to keep the children from me. She made it clear to me on several occasions that she did not want my children with me.

Then meetings began to be arranged with my wife and the pastor. I was never told what the phone calls were about. I did not ask. After all, I trusted my wife. I thought, despite her prayer for my death, that she loved me. I did not know what was being planned.

On Saturday evening, one of my children came to me and told me that their mother was trying to find a place for each of them to spend the night on Sunday. She said she just wanted them to be able to spend some time with some of their friends. On Sunday my two daughters decided that they would go, but my two sons stayed. On Monday morning, I woke up to find my wife gone. The house was pretty empty except for me and my sons. I went to work. At about 12:30 or so there was a knock on the door. I answered it to find two women detectives standing there asking for me to step outside. I did. They then showed me a warrant for my arrest! I was being charged with aggravated sexual assault on a child who was less than 13! I was dumbfounded as they hauled me off to jail.

I was placed in jail without bond. The next day the Pastor Barton came to visit me. He pointed a finger at me and said, "See where leaving God has gotten you!" I was crushed. I spent the next 50+ days in jail before I was finally allowed to get out on bond. I am now facing several months of court dates in an attempt to prove that I did not do that for which I am accused. My wife had placed a protective order against me and for the last two months I have not heard or seen my children. I am not permitted, by law, to see them.

Did I do the crime? No. I left the faith. I walked away from the ministry and made a decision to follow what I truly believe. Frankly, this crushed my wife. Her dreams of one day returning to Israel were dashed. Her dreams of being married to a dynamic preacher of God's word were over. And so she cast me away. The pastor of Heritage Baptist Church was mad as well. I believe he wanted to humble me in an attempt to bring me back to the faith and to the church. My wife had met with Pastor Barton and, via the phone, another minister. They recommended the solution to her: get the authorities involved. They did.

I have so far learned a lot from my experiences. The church's message of love only extends to those that embrace the church. Leave her and experience her wrath. I also learned that innocent until proven guilty is not a part of our country any longer. According to much of what I have read, people who are falsely accused of molesting or abusing a child are likely to be convicted of the crime, even if there is no evidence. According to one web site mothers who bring the accusation are much more likely to be believed even in the face of the evidence. All it takes is an unfounded accusation to potentially have your life taken away.

This is my story. I decided, of my own free will, to leave the faith. Those that were once my friends, and even my dearest love, chose to cast me to the wolves instead of continue to love me as I am. As a result, I have decided to take a stand for freedom! I have decided to speak out for our fundamental right to think for our own selves and to not be persecuted for thinking contrary to those that are around you. Our thoughts make up who we are. No one has the right to try to force us to think according to their ways. Our minds are wonderful things, capable of reason, discovery and creativity. No one should seek to destroy your life because you dare to think!

Don't Ever Stop Thinking!

What is my story and why would anyone want to know it? I believe that my story, my life, is important, not because of who I am, but because of what has been going on in my life over the past several months. Imagine, if you will, finding your friends and family turning away from you because of a simple decision that was made. Imagine that this decision was not to commit some evil crime, but simply to start thinking for one's own self. Imagine that as you begin to explore your newfound freedom of thought, you find yourself being arrested. And why? Because those that had once loved you feared the decision you had made and wanted to take away your liberty.

My story is about freedom for all by advocating the right for each man and woman to think for their own selves. As I put together the pieces of my story please understand that what I will reveal here is true. I will not pull any punches as I tell it. I will try my best not to tear down others and so I may speak of a person by title and not by name. My goal is not to slander another individual. My agenda is simple: to get the truth out about my story. My hope is that like-minded people will see what is happening to me and others like me and will decide to no longer stand quietly by as our freedoms are being eroded away. What may surprise you about my story is that something like this is happening in 21st century America. What may also be surprising is that the yoke of oppression is being place upon people by those with a message of love, hope and freedom. Instead, they bring fear and bondage.

However, as human beings with great minds, we can think for our own selves. We can reason. We can explore. And we can come to conclusions. It is our minds, and what we do with them, that separate us from the rest of life on this planet. It is our ability to reason, to think and to be creative that makes us special. When someone attempts to take away our reason and to shunt our creativity, then we are diminished and brought closer to the animal and further from our potential as human beings. Don't let others think for you. As you read my story, I hope that you will draw courage to think for your own selves. Because, no matter how bad my story is or how terrible it could get, I would trade it for nothing. For, you see, my mind is now free. I can think again. And for that I am quite grateful.

Getting the Story Out

In recent days it has become imperative that I get out my story. Over the next days I will endeavor to do just that. My story is not important because I am important. Many who may visit this blog may not even know who I am. My story is important because of the circumstances that brought me to this point in my life. We live in a country where freedom is (or was) valued above all things. Our freedom, and the freedom of others, is an ideal that drives what we do as a nation. However, there are segments within our society that would desire to reduce or even eliminate our freedoms. What has shocked and surprised me is the people and organizations that are influential in attempting to do away with them.

I believe that by telling my story I may be able to help some people to see more clearly and, as a result, experience true freedom. The most important ... that which no man should have the right to take away from you ... is the freedom to think.

Please stay tuned for my story.