Today was my scheduled trial and I entered a plea of no contest. I recently learned that some local news agencies had reported, before the actual trial took place, that I was intending to plead guilty to the charge against me. It was never my intention nor had my lawyer ever advised me to plead guilty. However, for a few weeks now we have been discussing a plea of no contest. What is a plea of no contest and why would I choose this if I am innocent?
In every trial, there are three pleas that the accused can enter: not guilty, guilty or nolo contendere (no contest). A plea of no contest is not an admission of guilt. It is an admission that the evidence in the case is enough to bring a conviction should the case go to trial. But there are other reasons to enter a plea of no contest. In a case where a child would be required to testify against someone, a plea of no contest makes it so that the child does not have to personally appear in court. This spares the child the trauma of having to testify and of going through the cross examination of the defending attorney. What occurs when a no contest plea is entered is that one person reviews, in brief, the evidence against the accused before the judge. This is normally done by the prosecution. The case then is immediately scheduled for sentencing.
While the case will go to sentencing as if a plea of guilty were entered, a plea of no contest changes the playing field a bit. It allows for several things to happen so that the judge can hear the case and determine what punishment, if any, needs to be given to the accused. Anything could happen. While doubtful, an acquittal could be awarded. The charge could be dropped from a felony to a misdemeanor. The accused could be found guilty as charged. And anything in-between. A brief concerning the case will be created and given to the judge, the prosecution and the defense. Sentencing will be determined by the judge based on this brief and any testimony presented during the sentencing phase. Witnesses can be called and cross examined. All in all, the sentencing phase becomes like a trial with the judge making his decision based on what is best for all parties concerned.
As a result of my no contest plea, I now have to prepare for sentencing, which is scheduled for early July.
There are many things about this case that I cannot talk about in a public blog. Some of these reasons are legal. Some are for the protection of the accuser. I would ask you to respect these things in your comments. If anyone wishes additional information that cannot be shared publicly, you may email me. However, I cannot guarantee a full answer to your questions. In such a case, I will do my best to tell you why I cannot give a full answer (legal, lawyer advice, etc).
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Great News!
I had some great news today! During my visit with my youngest son (which was fantastic, as always), I learned that he has moved back in with his mother and the rest of the family! That is great news as far as I am concerned! My children have always been close with one another and they need to be together.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Big Day for My Little Guy!
Today, at 2PM, my youngest son had to come before the judge on account of the assault and battery charge against him. As you may recall, back in December, my 10 year old son (then only 9) was accused of assault and battery against his mother. The local police were called and my son was officially charged. I was not originally given the details as to what allegedly happened and only found out about the charge when a policemen came to my door to issue me a summons to appear in court. According to Virginia law, both parents need to be served when the accusation involves a child.
The judge listened to the evidence as presented by the detective that offically charged my son, as well as the testimony of my wife and the man with whom my son is currently living (and has been living with for the last three months or so). According to the testimony given, my wife was trying to get my son to go to school that day back in December. My son insisted that he was not feeling well and did not believe he should go to school. However, his mother insisted that he go. My son then became angry and began to push his mother and attempt to striker her. When this continued the police were eventually contacted and brought into the situation. According to the detective that came to the house that day, my wife told her that, in addition to the pushing and strking, she also has had to keep the knives away from my son because she was afraid of what he might do.
Most of the rest of the testimony presented was concerning the positive changes that have been taking place in my son's life since that incident in December. This included that fact that he is virtually a straight A student that typically turns his work in on time or, in many cases, ahead of time, that he does not disrupt the house in which he lives, but is obedient to the rules of that house and that he has progressed a lot over the last several months. As a result of this the judge finally ruled to keep this situation under advisement. If my son keeps his nose clean for the next 12 months, then the charge will be completely dropped. However, if he gets himself in trouble, he could face punishment for the assault and battery charge and gain a criminal record.
With that, the judge released my son into the custody of the man with which he is staying. However, there were a few things that I learned during this trial. Most of this I had heard sort of as a whisper or had speculated about, but now I heard it as sworn testimony in court.
For example, despite the assault and battery charge, no one removed my son from the house. According to the testimony that was given, my wife was struggling with my son's acting out and also the owner of the house where they are staying was not pleased with his behavior. Because of this, my wife decided, of her own free will, to find a place for my son to live. According to the man that testified (the man with whom he is currently living), if he didn't take him, he did not know where my son was going to be staying.
The judge asked the man if he knew when my son was going to move back in with his mother and siblings. The man answered by saying that it was open-ended ... no date had been set. Later, when my wife was on the stand, the judge asked the same question. He wanted to know if my wife had a plan for moving the child back into the home with the rest of the family. Her words were that it was open-ended. My son has lived outside of the home away from his mother, brother and sisters for the last three months or more and my wife does not yet have a plan to reintegrate him back into the family! Why not?
To be fair, according to my son (when I see him during visitation days), he does get to see his brother and sisters during the week. I don't know how frequently, but he does get to see them. I am glad for this as I know that both my sons had been very close to one another.
I have no reason to doubt that my son pushed and attempted to strike his mother. In fact, he told me the same thing when I talked to him about it in the presence of a supervisor during one of our visits. I told my son that striking someone because you cannot get what you want is certainly not the way to behave and that he needed to honor his mother. I hope my son has learned from this situation and that it will give him reason to pause and think about his actions before possibly doing something that he may later regret.
But I am still concerned about my son. Why aren't there plans to bring him home to be with the rest of the family? Why should the responsibility of making sure that he is fed, that he goes to bed, that he goes to school and that he does his homework, be given to someone else? Why should this child not have full access to his brother, sisters and his own mother? I realize that I am not there and I realize that this is a tough situation for my wife, being the only parent in the house, but however tough the situation is, a child's place is with his family when at all possible. If there was not this protective order placed against me by my wife, I certainly would be fighting to have my son living with me.
In any case, I am glad that he came through this situation with flying colors. He was a little man today, sitting straight in his chair, looking directly at the judge when spoken to and answering his questions when asked. What he did was wrong, but he seems to have come through it alright thus far.
The judge listened to the evidence as presented by the detective that offically charged my son, as well as the testimony of my wife and the man with whom my son is currently living (and has been living with for the last three months or so). According to the testimony given, my wife was trying to get my son to go to school that day back in December. My son insisted that he was not feeling well and did not believe he should go to school. However, his mother insisted that he go. My son then became angry and began to push his mother and attempt to striker her. When this continued the police were eventually contacted and brought into the situation. According to the detective that came to the house that day, my wife told her that, in addition to the pushing and strking, she also has had to keep the knives away from my son because she was afraid of what he might do.
Most of the rest of the testimony presented was concerning the positive changes that have been taking place in my son's life since that incident in December. This included that fact that he is virtually a straight A student that typically turns his work in on time or, in many cases, ahead of time, that he does not disrupt the house in which he lives, but is obedient to the rules of that house and that he has progressed a lot over the last several months. As a result of this the judge finally ruled to keep this situation under advisement. If my son keeps his nose clean for the next 12 months, then the charge will be completely dropped. However, if he gets himself in trouble, he could face punishment for the assault and battery charge and gain a criminal record.
With that, the judge released my son into the custody of the man with which he is staying. However, there were a few things that I learned during this trial. Most of this I had heard sort of as a whisper or had speculated about, but now I heard it as sworn testimony in court.
For example, despite the assault and battery charge, no one removed my son from the house. According to the testimony that was given, my wife was struggling with my son's acting out and also the owner of the house where they are staying was not pleased with his behavior. Because of this, my wife decided, of her own free will, to find a place for my son to live. According to the man that testified (the man with whom he is currently living), if he didn't take him, he did not know where my son was going to be staying.
The judge asked the man if he knew when my son was going to move back in with his mother and siblings. The man answered by saying that it was open-ended ... no date had been set. Later, when my wife was on the stand, the judge asked the same question. He wanted to know if my wife had a plan for moving the child back into the home with the rest of the family. Her words were that it was open-ended. My son has lived outside of the home away from his mother, brother and sisters for the last three months or more and my wife does not yet have a plan to reintegrate him back into the family! Why not?
To be fair, according to my son (when I see him during visitation days), he does get to see his brother and sisters during the week. I don't know how frequently, but he does get to see them. I am glad for this as I know that both my sons had been very close to one another.
I have no reason to doubt that my son pushed and attempted to strike his mother. In fact, he told me the same thing when I talked to him about it in the presence of a supervisor during one of our visits. I told my son that striking someone because you cannot get what you want is certainly not the way to behave and that he needed to honor his mother. I hope my son has learned from this situation and that it will give him reason to pause and think about his actions before possibly doing something that he may later regret.
But I am still concerned about my son. Why aren't there plans to bring him home to be with the rest of the family? Why should the responsibility of making sure that he is fed, that he goes to bed, that he goes to school and that he does his homework, be given to someone else? Why should this child not have full access to his brother, sisters and his own mother? I realize that I am not there and I realize that this is a tough situation for my wife, being the only parent in the house, but however tough the situation is, a child's place is with his family when at all possible. If there was not this protective order placed against me by my wife, I certainly would be fighting to have my son living with me.
In any case, I am glad that he came through this situation with flying colors. He was a little man today, sitting straight in his chair, looking directly at the judge when spoken to and answering his questions when asked. What he did was wrong, but he seems to have come through it alright thus far.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Passover and Easter
Passover began on April the 9th and my dad got me thinking about this because he was invited over to someone's house for a sedar meal. I began to reflect back to last year and the year before when I used to teach the church about Passover, doing all I could to make connections between the Old Testament's teaching on the subject and the New Testament's assertion that Christ was the Passover, sacrificed for us (First Corinthians 5:7). I can remember the people, the smell of the food, the laughter when people tried the bitter herb for the first time and the hushed silence when the connections between the Messiah and the passover lamb were explained.
This year, I am sitting in my small apartment alone without even the familiar noise of my children running around. It is a sad silence, to be sure. I am not writing this to draw sympathy from anyone. I am simply stating things in order to show the contrast between recent years gone by and today. Things are certainly different for me, that is for sure! To emphasize that difference, here is a photo of me from a few years ago, teaching about the Passover at Heritage Baptist Church:
Yes, life was different then, but was it better? In many ways, yes! It was! I had my children all around me and that brought me immense joy! I at least believed that my wife loved me and that she would love me no matter what. I was surrounded by people who also said that they loved me. All of this certainly helped to make a person feel good, respected and wanted. But all of that changed the day I left the faith.
But what about today? Are things worse? I suppose that one could say that they are. After all, I don't have my children with me, my wife apparently wants nothing to do with me and I am facing a trial in which I could end up in jail! That is all bad, certainly. But my life is better in many ways. I know this may sound strange to many of you. I can see people thinking something like, "How can life possibly be better in the face of all that?"
Life is better because I am free. Yes, even despite the fact that it is possible that I may go to jail at the end of this month as a result of the accusation against me. I am free because I am no longer bound to the lie that is Christianity. I don't miss god! I don't miss the long sermons at church! I don't miss the times in prayer or the intensive study of the Bible. No, I don't miss any of that. I know that the religion of Christianity is false. What I miss is my family and all the people that used to be my friends. No matter what differences people have, in my mind a friend is a friend! It boggles my mind that a person can so easily shut someone out because they changed their mind about god. And this is especially true concerning my wife.
Whatever any of you believe about me, my wife made a vow before the god that she believes in to stand by me in sickness and in health and in the good times as well as the bad. She even, of her own will, made a vow, quoting from the book of Ruth chapter one, verses 16-17, in which she vowed to go where I go, to lodge where I lodge and to be buried where I am buried. The vow ends with a curse if not upheld by the one swearing it. Does my de-conversion somehow nullify these vows?
Several months ago I asked the DSS case worker if I was allowed to have a supervised visit with my wife. After all, I was able to arrange supervised visits with my children. The DSS worker said, yes, this was possible. I asked her if she would talk to me wife and let her know that I simply wanted to talk to her. I said that one day this entire thing would be over with and that we needed to at least plan for that day. My main concern was the children.
The DSS worker brought my request before my wife. According to her, she asked my wife and she simply refused to reply! So the DSS worker waited another week before asking again. This time my wife simply refused. She was not willing to meet with me even under the watchful eye of DSS! Can you imagine that?
Despite being shunned by my wife, I am, in many ways, happier then I have been in years! Why? Because I can feel again! Emotions of love, joy, happiness and, yes, sadness as well, can freely flood through me! I never realized how dulled my emotions had become while serving the church! I don't think that you can really understand this unless you have experienced it for yourself. I have talked to many people that have left the faith and many tell me that they were surprised at the intensity of the emotions they could feel once they were freed from religion. The Bible tries to tell us that fullness of joy can only be found in Christ, but I have found a more abundant joy outside of him or his church!
I am free, also, because I can think again! I can dream! Everything is open to me now! If I want to be a graphic artist full time and develop my business, I don't need to check in with some god to see if it falls within his supposed will. If I want to go to a movie, I don't have to feel guilty about it or consider it evil. If I want to read a book to just relax, I don't have to check it first to make sure that it agrees with the Bible's standards somehow ... or some obscure standard set by some church leader who thinks they have the corner on what pleases god. I can pick up a book to read because the book is interesting to myself.
And, yes, I can even think about me! Yep, me. In Christianity, to even give yourself a thought can be considered sinful. After all, the Christian is to die to self and to live unto Christ. I now realize that this is not the truth! It is not sinful to consider one's own self. I am not talking about being selfish here and never thinking of anyone else. But I am talking about not neglecting yourself either. I can read a book that I like because I like it and because I want to. And it sure is good to be able to do that and not feel like I sinned before some divine sky being that gets upset if he isn't put first like some spoiled, rotten child!
I am free because I can make friends with someone no matter what they believe. If they are an atheist, they can be my friend. If they are a Christian, they can be my friend. If they are a Buddhist, I can be friends with them, too! I can like someone and hang out with them simply because I like them and want to hang out with them! That is very freeing. In fact, since leaving the church, people have become more wonderful to me no matter who they are or what they believe. People are no longer categorized as either lost or saved. They are simply people ... people who are endowed with dignity simply by virtue of their existence!
I see a mother laugh with her child and I see someone that is good even though they don't know the god of the Bible. I see a husband hug his wife as they walk down the street holding hands. This is good and so are they, despite the fact that they don't believe in god. I take my good friend Chris to the store so that he can get groceries. He doesn't believe in god, either. And I see him as a good man and a good friend. But the Bible would try to tell me that he is evil! The Bible warns about calling good, evil and evil, good, but I have found that it is the Bible itself that is doing this in many cases!
I started this article talking about Passover. And with good reason. Passover is celebrated in Jewish homes as a way of remembering being slaves and then being freed. In my own way, I am also celebrating a passover. I also was once a slave, but now I am free.
This year, I am sitting in my small apartment alone without even the familiar noise of my children running around. It is a sad silence, to be sure. I am not writing this to draw sympathy from anyone. I am simply stating things in order to show the contrast between recent years gone by and today. Things are certainly different for me, that is for sure! To emphasize that difference, here is a photo of me from a few years ago, teaching about the Passover at Heritage Baptist Church:
Yes, life was different then, but was it better? In many ways, yes! It was! I had my children all around me and that brought me immense joy! I at least believed that my wife loved me and that she would love me no matter what. I was surrounded by people who also said that they loved me. All of this certainly helped to make a person feel good, respected and wanted. But all of that changed the day I left the faith.But what about today? Are things worse? I suppose that one could say that they are. After all, I don't have my children with me, my wife apparently wants nothing to do with me and I am facing a trial in which I could end up in jail! That is all bad, certainly. But my life is better in many ways. I know this may sound strange to many of you. I can see people thinking something like, "How can life possibly be better in the face of all that?"
Life is better because I am free. Yes, even despite the fact that it is possible that I may go to jail at the end of this month as a result of the accusation against me. I am free because I am no longer bound to the lie that is Christianity. I don't miss god! I don't miss the long sermons at church! I don't miss the times in prayer or the intensive study of the Bible. No, I don't miss any of that. I know that the religion of Christianity is false. What I miss is my family and all the people that used to be my friends. No matter what differences people have, in my mind a friend is a friend! It boggles my mind that a person can so easily shut someone out because they changed their mind about god. And this is especially true concerning my wife.
Whatever any of you believe about me, my wife made a vow before the god that she believes in to stand by me in sickness and in health and in the good times as well as the bad. She even, of her own will, made a vow, quoting from the book of Ruth chapter one, verses 16-17, in which she vowed to go where I go, to lodge where I lodge and to be buried where I am buried. The vow ends with a curse if not upheld by the one swearing it. Does my de-conversion somehow nullify these vows?
Several months ago I asked the DSS case worker if I was allowed to have a supervised visit with my wife. After all, I was able to arrange supervised visits with my children. The DSS worker said, yes, this was possible. I asked her if she would talk to me wife and let her know that I simply wanted to talk to her. I said that one day this entire thing would be over with and that we needed to at least plan for that day. My main concern was the children.
The DSS worker brought my request before my wife. According to her, she asked my wife and she simply refused to reply! So the DSS worker waited another week before asking again. This time my wife simply refused. She was not willing to meet with me even under the watchful eye of DSS! Can you imagine that?
Despite being shunned by my wife, I am, in many ways, happier then I have been in years! Why? Because I can feel again! Emotions of love, joy, happiness and, yes, sadness as well, can freely flood through me! I never realized how dulled my emotions had become while serving the church! I don't think that you can really understand this unless you have experienced it for yourself. I have talked to many people that have left the faith and many tell me that they were surprised at the intensity of the emotions they could feel once they were freed from religion. The Bible tries to tell us that fullness of joy can only be found in Christ, but I have found a more abundant joy outside of him or his church!
I am free, also, because I can think again! I can dream! Everything is open to me now! If I want to be a graphic artist full time and develop my business, I don't need to check in with some god to see if it falls within his supposed will. If I want to go to a movie, I don't have to feel guilty about it or consider it evil. If I want to read a book to just relax, I don't have to check it first to make sure that it agrees with the Bible's standards somehow ... or some obscure standard set by some church leader who thinks they have the corner on what pleases god. I can pick up a book to read because the book is interesting to myself.
And, yes, I can even think about me! Yep, me. In Christianity, to even give yourself a thought can be considered sinful. After all, the Christian is to die to self and to live unto Christ. I now realize that this is not the truth! It is not sinful to consider one's own self. I am not talking about being selfish here and never thinking of anyone else. But I am talking about not neglecting yourself either. I can read a book that I like because I like it and because I want to. And it sure is good to be able to do that and not feel like I sinned before some divine sky being that gets upset if he isn't put first like some spoiled, rotten child!
I am free because I can make friends with someone no matter what they believe. If they are an atheist, they can be my friend. If they are a Christian, they can be my friend. If they are a Buddhist, I can be friends with them, too! I can like someone and hang out with them simply because I like them and want to hang out with them! That is very freeing. In fact, since leaving the church, people have become more wonderful to me no matter who they are or what they believe. People are no longer categorized as either lost or saved. They are simply people ... people who are endowed with dignity simply by virtue of their existence!
I see a mother laugh with her child and I see someone that is good even though they don't know the god of the Bible. I see a husband hug his wife as they walk down the street holding hands. This is good and so are they, despite the fact that they don't believe in god. I take my good friend Chris to the store so that he can get groceries. He doesn't believe in god, either. And I see him as a good man and a good friend. But the Bible would try to tell me that he is evil! The Bible warns about calling good, evil and evil, good, but I have found that it is the Bible itself that is doing this in many cases!
I started this article talking about Passover. And with good reason. Passover is celebrated in Jewish homes as a way of remembering being slaves and then being freed. In my own way, I am also celebrating a passover. I also was once a slave, but now I am free.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Truth and Fear
There is a certain genius to Christianity. And, no, I am not talking about the Bible supposedly being the holy word of God. The genius is in its followers and the myriad of religious systems established to protect each system and to keep its followers trapped within. Each denomination, each branch and, in some cases, each church has its own form of truth. And, in many cases, each of them would be willing to die for that supposed truth ... or at least condemn all the others to an eternal hell for not quite getting it right. I suppose we could say the genius, the thing that tends to trap most believers, comes in two forms: what they know and what they fear.
Each Christian sect just happens to know the absolute truth about things that the rest of mankind still wrestles with. They know that there is an afterlife. They know what it will be like. They even know how to get there. Most of the rest of mankind sits back and wonders, "Will there be life after death?" The Christian, on the other hand, simply knows. There is a wonderful comfort (for some) in knowing. And there is a certain, dare I say it, pride in knowing things that other people only guess at. One man may be at his wit's end because he is contemplating life after death, but the Christian is secure in his or her belief that they know what awaits them.
The afterlife is not the only thing the Christian supposes he knows absolutely. He also claims to know that God exists for a fact. There is no doubt and they even know for certain which god, out of the myriad of gods that have supposedly existed, is the true God. They know it so strongly that many would be willing to lay down their lives for this fact. And many have done just that, all the while forgetting that there are others as equally convinced as they are about their own gods. In fact, the Muslim may have, in recent years, cornered the market on laying down one's life for their God.
But god and the afterlife aren't all the Christian believes he knows as an absolute fact. He also believes that he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how to convince this God to allow him to inherit this afterlife. Books are written on the subject. Tracts are handed out in large quantities attempting to explain the process to those who may not have this precious knowledge. Classes are held in church auditoriums to instruct the masses on how to best get the message across and how to deal with this or that objection. Web sites are populating the Internet both to push the message of salvation as well as to equip the saints with the tools to go forth into all the world.
But the problem is that each of these groups, each armed with absolute truth, differs greatly from each other in what they believe. In other words, one group's truth contradicts another's in such a way that both cannot be right. In fact, often one such group will call the other heretical and warn that their doctrine is straight from the pit of hell! But being armed with the truth is not the only thing that keeps Christians within the walls of their chosen denominations. No, there is that other element: fear.
Part of the genius of the Christian system is that the believer has much to fear and, as we all know, fear is a good motivator to keep people in line. The Bible tells people that they are to fear God. In fact, it is this fear of God that the Bible calls the beginning of wisdom. To not fear God is to be a fool, thus demonstrating one's lack of wisdom. Many Christian denominations recognize that the word fear is something that people don't like and so they try to tone it down a bit. They try to alter the word's meaning, interpreting it to me reverence. However, fear becomes a prime motivator within the sect.
Many Christians, whether they want to admit it or not, feel fear for a variety of reasons. They may become fearful that they have let their God down if they have not been faithfully witnessing to the lost about Christ. Depending on which denomination the Christian is from, they may fear losing their own salvation, their mode of entrance into heaven and their ability to please God, if they have sinned in some small way. There are so many ways to become fearful in Christianity and these factors can lay heavily on the mind of the faithful.
But it is not just the fear of God that may motivate people within these denominations. Often the Christian leaders themselves will capitalize on this. In some churches, people have to dress a certain way. If their skirt or dress is too far above the ankle, then they are led to believe they are displeasing God. If they are not tithing or giving to missions, then they are led to feel inadequate before the Almighty. If you weren't baptized according to a specific method or if the three names of God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) were not invoked, then perhaps their baptism was not good enough! Don't attend church often enough? Do you miss a few meetings during the week? Then you might be apostate!
And then there is another element added into the mix. There is this super being that is absolute evil called the devil, Lucifer or Satan. He is said to be going about seeking whom he may devour and, as luck would have it, he is after you! He is not only invisible, but he can even plant thoughts into your mind, trying to twist you and turn you toward his evil ways! So who knows where that thought you just had came from? Was it ... the devil?!?
But the fear doesn't stop there. Not only is the believer to fear god, not only do church leaders often use fear as a means of achieving their own ends, not only does Christianity claim to have some invisible, demonic being that is hell-bent on your destruction, but the believer cannot even trust their own thoughts and intuition! The very heart of a man is said, by the Bible, to be deceitful above all things and is desperately wicked! He is told that he is no good because none are good, no not one! The end result is that a man has to even fear his own self!
So this strange dichotomy is achieved in Christianity. On the one hand, the believer feels good believing that they have all the important answers. On the other hand, they are, in many cases, kept from questioning the supposed answers because of fear. Fear keeps them in line. Fear keeps them from questioning. After all, who wants to be wrong and end up in hell for all eternity?
But when someone examines the many, many Christian beliefs out there, each saying that they are the way to life, then one has to wonder which one, if any, is true? Is baptism essential to salvation? Depends on which denomination you belong to and which verses of the Bible you use to support you system of belief. Does it matter which church I attend? Some churches teach that salvation is only achieved through their organization. Do I need to speak in tongues? Again, it depends. Are other sign gifts essential to proving my salvation? Is God a trinity, a tri-unity, a unity or not? Should I be dipped, sprinkled or have the water poured on me when baptized? What if I was led to the Lord by a translation other than the good ol' King James Version of the Bible? And even if I was, does it matter if it is the Oxford or Cambridge editions? And which year? If my church worships on a day other than Sunday or if they don't have a Sunday evening service, does that mean we are apostate? What if we sing to contemporary music or worship songs? What if we don't? What if we use a particular hymnal over another (after all, some of these hymnals have music in them that is questionable!)? What if some of the women wear pants? What if the pastor or priest is a woman? What if ... what if ... what if ...
I am sure that many Christians will dispute the things that I am saying here. No one readily likes to admit that they are fearful. However, I have counseled a lot of people while I was a Christian and I have talked to quite a few that have left the faith. There was one common thread ... fear. Frankly, some people are afraid to question their own faith because they fear the answers they might find. If it turns out that the Christian God is not real, then what does that mean about heaven? Wouldn't that mean that those absolute answers may not be true? Fear.
And then there is fear about what others will think or do if you question the faith. They might look at you as apostate! They might see you as demonically deceived! It is easier to keep on keeping on within the faith then to question it. So questions about the faith are often thrown into the back of the mind and forgotten ... or so you think. These questions have a way of coming out again. But fear is a good tool to suppress them. At least for a while.
Why am I writing about this? It's simple. I was thinking about it. These are my thoughts. It is interesting, despite all the things that I am going though, that I am not afraid. I have stepped out from under that shadow and it is good. And, no, I don't have the answers to things like life after death or whether or not there is a divine being. But that's OK as well. For whatever reason, I am quite satisfied with not knowing. Instead of looking for a sweet life in the hereafter, I am invigorated by each new day ... living in the here and now! Life is exciting, not because of a promise of a life to come, but because I am alive at this moment!
Each Christian sect just happens to know the absolute truth about things that the rest of mankind still wrestles with. They know that there is an afterlife. They know what it will be like. They even know how to get there. Most of the rest of mankind sits back and wonders, "Will there be life after death?" The Christian, on the other hand, simply knows. There is a wonderful comfort (for some) in knowing. And there is a certain, dare I say it, pride in knowing things that other people only guess at. One man may be at his wit's end because he is contemplating life after death, but the Christian is secure in his or her belief that they know what awaits them.
The afterlife is not the only thing the Christian supposes he knows absolutely. He also claims to know that God exists for a fact. There is no doubt and they even know for certain which god, out of the myriad of gods that have supposedly existed, is the true God. They know it so strongly that many would be willing to lay down their lives for this fact. And many have done just that, all the while forgetting that there are others as equally convinced as they are about their own gods. In fact, the Muslim may have, in recent years, cornered the market on laying down one's life for their God.
But god and the afterlife aren't all the Christian believes he knows as an absolute fact. He also believes that he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how to convince this God to allow him to inherit this afterlife. Books are written on the subject. Tracts are handed out in large quantities attempting to explain the process to those who may not have this precious knowledge. Classes are held in church auditoriums to instruct the masses on how to best get the message across and how to deal with this or that objection. Web sites are populating the Internet both to push the message of salvation as well as to equip the saints with the tools to go forth into all the world.
But the problem is that each of these groups, each armed with absolute truth, differs greatly from each other in what they believe. In other words, one group's truth contradicts another's in such a way that both cannot be right. In fact, often one such group will call the other heretical and warn that their doctrine is straight from the pit of hell! But being armed with the truth is not the only thing that keeps Christians within the walls of their chosen denominations. No, there is that other element: fear.
Part of the genius of the Christian system is that the believer has much to fear and, as we all know, fear is a good motivator to keep people in line. The Bible tells people that they are to fear God. In fact, it is this fear of God that the Bible calls the beginning of wisdom. To not fear God is to be a fool, thus demonstrating one's lack of wisdom. Many Christian denominations recognize that the word fear is something that people don't like and so they try to tone it down a bit. They try to alter the word's meaning, interpreting it to me reverence. However, fear becomes a prime motivator within the sect.
Many Christians, whether they want to admit it or not, feel fear for a variety of reasons. They may become fearful that they have let their God down if they have not been faithfully witnessing to the lost about Christ. Depending on which denomination the Christian is from, they may fear losing their own salvation, their mode of entrance into heaven and their ability to please God, if they have sinned in some small way. There are so many ways to become fearful in Christianity and these factors can lay heavily on the mind of the faithful.
But it is not just the fear of God that may motivate people within these denominations. Often the Christian leaders themselves will capitalize on this. In some churches, people have to dress a certain way. If their skirt or dress is too far above the ankle, then they are led to believe they are displeasing God. If they are not tithing or giving to missions, then they are led to feel inadequate before the Almighty. If you weren't baptized according to a specific method or if the three names of God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) were not invoked, then perhaps their baptism was not good enough! Don't attend church often enough? Do you miss a few meetings during the week? Then you might be apostate!
And then there is another element added into the mix. There is this super being that is absolute evil called the devil, Lucifer or Satan. He is said to be going about seeking whom he may devour and, as luck would have it, he is after you! He is not only invisible, but he can even plant thoughts into your mind, trying to twist you and turn you toward his evil ways! So who knows where that thought you just had came from? Was it ... the devil?!?
But the fear doesn't stop there. Not only is the believer to fear god, not only do church leaders often use fear as a means of achieving their own ends, not only does Christianity claim to have some invisible, demonic being that is hell-bent on your destruction, but the believer cannot even trust their own thoughts and intuition! The very heart of a man is said, by the Bible, to be deceitful above all things and is desperately wicked! He is told that he is no good because none are good, no not one! The end result is that a man has to even fear his own self!
So this strange dichotomy is achieved in Christianity. On the one hand, the believer feels good believing that they have all the important answers. On the other hand, they are, in many cases, kept from questioning the supposed answers because of fear. Fear keeps them in line. Fear keeps them from questioning. After all, who wants to be wrong and end up in hell for all eternity?
But when someone examines the many, many Christian beliefs out there, each saying that they are the way to life, then one has to wonder which one, if any, is true? Is baptism essential to salvation? Depends on which denomination you belong to and which verses of the Bible you use to support you system of belief. Does it matter which church I attend? Some churches teach that salvation is only achieved through their organization. Do I need to speak in tongues? Again, it depends. Are other sign gifts essential to proving my salvation? Is God a trinity, a tri-unity, a unity or not? Should I be dipped, sprinkled or have the water poured on me when baptized? What if I was led to the Lord by a translation other than the good ol' King James Version of the Bible? And even if I was, does it matter if it is the Oxford or Cambridge editions? And which year? If my church worships on a day other than Sunday or if they don't have a Sunday evening service, does that mean we are apostate? What if we sing to contemporary music or worship songs? What if we don't? What if we use a particular hymnal over another (after all, some of these hymnals have music in them that is questionable!)? What if some of the women wear pants? What if the pastor or priest is a woman? What if ... what if ... what if ...
I am sure that many Christians will dispute the things that I am saying here. No one readily likes to admit that they are fearful. However, I have counseled a lot of people while I was a Christian and I have talked to quite a few that have left the faith. There was one common thread ... fear. Frankly, some people are afraid to question their own faith because they fear the answers they might find. If it turns out that the Christian God is not real, then what does that mean about heaven? Wouldn't that mean that those absolute answers may not be true? Fear.
And then there is fear about what others will think or do if you question the faith. They might look at you as apostate! They might see you as demonically deceived! It is easier to keep on keeping on within the faith then to question it. So questions about the faith are often thrown into the back of the mind and forgotten ... or so you think. These questions have a way of coming out again. But fear is a good tool to suppress them. At least for a while.
Why am I writing about this? It's simple. I was thinking about it. These are my thoughts. It is interesting, despite all the things that I am going though, that I am not afraid. I have stepped out from under that shadow and it is good. And, no, I don't have the answers to things like life after death or whether or not there is a divine being. But that's OK as well. For whatever reason, I am quite satisfied with not knowing. Instead of looking for a sweet life in the hereafter, I am invigorated by each new day ... living in the here and now! Life is exciting, not because of a promise of a life to come, but because I am alive at this moment!
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