Some who are reading this blog may walk away shaking their heads wondering what kind of religion my family and I were mixed up in. Some of the folks posting comments here and emailing me come from a variety of backgrounds. Some grew up Catholic. Others were a part of some other Christian denomination. And some attended churches that had strict rules while others attended fellowships with very few rules. As a result of the diverse groups within the realm of Christianity, I believe it is important to let people know a bit about my Christian background. This may give some understanding to those that are not familiar with it and also help those that were a part of it understand where I have come from.
I did not come to believe in Jesus until I was 25 years old and I was not raised in a religious home. In fact, my father is Jewish (with a name like Silverman, who would have guessed?). So for the first part of my life religion really didn't factor into it. After accepting Jesus I began to attend an Independent Baptist church. The pastor thought I should go to Bible college and recommended that I attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). This school further taught me the concepts adhered to by many Independent Baptists.
The first thing I should say is that not every Independent Baptist church is the same. After all, they are "independent". But they do tend to stick to the same basic doctrines. After all, they are "Baptists". These doctrines, or teachings, would include such things as the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith alone and the Bible consisting of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments. Concerning the Bible, it was to be interpreted literally. This meant that the the common sense reading of the text was to be understood as what the Bible really meant. Therefore, if the Bible says that God created everything in six days and rested on the seventh, then there was no room for anything more than six literal 24-hour days. Another rule that governed us when it came to the Bible was to compare Scripture with Scripture in order to let the Bible interpret itself.
By this understanding, some Independent Baptist churches came to some strict conclusions concerning behavior and modesty. The man was to be the head of the household. All were to dress modestly and the women were to not adorn themselves with clothing that could be mistaken for men's clothes. Children were to be disciplined via corporal punishment. And there were many other such rules that came to govern us based on our understanding of the Bible as taken from a literal perspective.
As our family continued to study the Bible and attempt to apply it to our lives, we found our lives becoming more and more strict. We eventually had no TV in our home and movies were certainly out of the question. The only music we were to have was Christian (and certainly not Christian rock, rap or anything even remotely connected to today's music). My daughters were to dress in long, loose skirts, loose jumpers and dresses. They could not wear any kind of pants and certainly not shorts. Even when they went out to play they had to have on their jumpers. If they wanted to do cartwheels then they could put on sweats underneath their jumpers, but they could not wear them without their jumpers. The girls could not even have fingernail polish, though that was something my wife wanted and not strictly enforced by the church we were a part of.
On some occasions my daughters would come home and tell us that some of the neighborhood children had asked if we were Amish or Mennonite. They asked this because of how the girls dressed. Others, who were not members of our church, wondered the same thing when they went by our church and saw us worshiping. We simply did not look "Baptist" to them.
As we strove to remove more and more of the "world" from our home, life became more restrictive for our children. They started to make friends with the neighborhood kids, but soon my wife would worry about this. She would think that the "unsaved" children in the neighborhood would influence our children and possibly cause them to turn away from Christ. Frequently my wife would come to me and tell me that she did not want our children playing with the neighborhood kids. Eventually my children learned, for the most part, to play amongst themselves. My kids were not completely cut off from the people all around us. They were welcome to be witnesses and to tell people the Gospel!
Yes, as the head of the household, I was certainly moving in this direction. I am just as responsible for bringing this on my house and on my children as anyone else. I am not innocent here. But perhaps this little insight into our lives can help you to understand the background that I came from and where my wife still is.
7 comments:
you know? in spite of the civil war we have more freedom of religion down here in Colombia than you up there in the u.s.
yours is a sad tale but keep walking my friend... if everything goes wrong then... flee and come to south america =D
I believe that anyone has the right to live their life the way they want to, with one single exception - that your way of life does not prevent anyone else from living their lives the way they want.
I would have a lot to say on how your children are beeing raised (this beeing the internet and all), but you have a very valid point. They are being raised to hang out in heaven and all that good stuff, and if their lives on earth suck while getting there, so be it.
I just hope that in your embrace of reason you will reconsider who gives you or your wife the right to tell your children how to live their lives. I'd also like for anyone reading this and raising your children like this to consider that if it is not their own decision to follow Christ (I hardly think these children were given an option), how could they possibly end up in heaven?
Just found your blog. I'm a believer but I have a great deal of sympathy for those who have suffered abuse from the church.
The isolation and fear you and your wife imposed upon your family seems to me not the sign of a strong faith but a weak one.
The courage it must have taken to deconvert is to be commended.
It occurs to me that the isolation and fear your wife and you imposed upon your family might be the signs not of a strong faith, but a weak one.
Wow.
Methinks your spouse has been taking lessons from the Taliban book of "religious piety."
You have my sympathy, friend, and I certainly hope your wife snaps out of what appears to be some serious insecurity and control issues candy-coated as religiosity.
I understand this 'mind fog' completely because I lived my life in it-
In the church I was in, a woman was encouraged (by the pastor) to take her children away from her husband because he had thoughts of leaving the church. Her story is:
http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2009/01/happiness-is-journey.html
My heart goes out to you.
Living in the fog of a cult makes you do insane things.
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