Several articles ago I had stated that my intention was to remove this blog. I did not see that it was doing any good at the time. However, since that article I have received numerous emails and messages asking me to please reconsider. The number of emails and reasons given were very convincing. As a result and as you can see, I have decided to keep the blog up and to keep posting!
Thank you, all of you, for your encouragement!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
No Show for Visitation ... Family Further Splintered!
I don't have a lot to update folks about recently concerning my case and that is why posts have been rather slow. I did want to let people know that none of my children showed up at the last visitation. According to the policy of the place, if one party or the other cannot show up they are supposed to call in and let the people know. Not showing up affects several parties: the parent coming for the visit or the children coming for the visit and the counselor and security personnel.
They let me wait until about 15 minutes past the time the visit was supposed to begin and then they sent me home. The counselor said she tried to call all concerned and was not able to get anyone on the phone. As a result, neither the counselor nor myself knew the reason why no one showed up.
I talked to the social services case worker the next day as I had a number of reasons to speak with her. I found out that my youngest son, the one that my wife charged with assault and battery, is not living in the same home as the rest of his family! In other words, he is in another person's house away from his brother and sisters! It seems like my entire family is slowly being torn apart! Some are being torn within, like my oldest son who claims he refuses to smile. Others have been torn from their family all together!
I asked the social services case worker why my son was not living with the rest of the family and asked if it had to do with the assault and battery charge (in other words, did the authorities decide to remove him from the home). She told me that this was not the reason. Apparently my wife and children are living with another family in their home. According to the case worker, my youngest son was displaying attitudes and behaviors that were not tolerable by that family. As a result, my son was removed from the home and sent somewhere else to live!
Now, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have allowed this to happen as their father! I realize that I don't have all the facts. I am sure that I have very few of them. I don't know how destructive my son's behavior was. I was not there and no one is telling me what happened. Even so, this is MY SON! My flesh and blood! If something comes between me and my children, then the "something" is what needs to go, not the child! If I was living in someone else's home and my children were bothering the owners, I would find a way to leave with my family ... not send away one of my children! In other words, if there is a choice between a friend and my child, I choose my child! I don't care how hard this makes my circumstances. I don't care how much I needed the help (i.e. couldn't afford rent, no job, etc). I would strive to find a way to keep the family whole before I would send my child off to live with someone else!
I realize that this situation is hard on my wife, but what is she thinking? Why is it so easy for her to remove her son from the home? Some may say that it was not an easy thing, that I don't know what really happened. I would say, you are right that I don't know what happened. But I do know that a mother should be willing to do all (and more) for her own child! I mother should be willing to lay down her life for her child! And, as far as I can see, this should never have happened!
My wife was willing to sacrifice me and 15 years of marriage because of my de-conversion. My behavior was no longer pleasing to her. It has been almost 6 months since she has talked to me in any way, shape or form. The pastor at Heritage Baptist Church tried to get my wife to reconcile with me while I was still in jail. She left the church and refuses to have communication with him. His behavior was no longer pleasing to her and she cast off both him and his church. My wife has charged my ten-year-old son with assault and battery and now he is living outside of the home. Apparently his behavior is no longer pleasing to her as well. Who's next? Who will cease to be deemed pleasing in her sight and be cast off in one way or another?
They let me wait until about 15 minutes past the time the visit was supposed to begin and then they sent me home. The counselor said she tried to call all concerned and was not able to get anyone on the phone. As a result, neither the counselor nor myself knew the reason why no one showed up.
I talked to the social services case worker the next day as I had a number of reasons to speak with her. I found out that my youngest son, the one that my wife charged with assault and battery, is not living in the same home as the rest of his family! In other words, he is in another person's house away from his brother and sisters! It seems like my entire family is slowly being torn apart! Some are being torn within, like my oldest son who claims he refuses to smile. Others have been torn from their family all together!
I asked the social services case worker why my son was not living with the rest of the family and asked if it had to do with the assault and battery charge (in other words, did the authorities decide to remove him from the home). She told me that this was not the reason. Apparently my wife and children are living with another family in their home. According to the case worker, my youngest son was displaying attitudes and behaviors that were not tolerable by that family. As a result, my son was removed from the home and sent somewhere else to live!
Now, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have allowed this to happen as their father! I realize that I don't have all the facts. I am sure that I have very few of them. I don't know how destructive my son's behavior was. I was not there and no one is telling me what happened. Even so, this is MY SON! My flesh and blood! If something comes between me and my children, then the "something" is what needs to go, not the child! If I was living in someone else's home and my children were bothering the owners, I would find a way to leave with my family ... not send away one of my children! In other words, if there is a choice between a friend and my child, I choose my child! I don't care how hard this makes my circumstances. I don't care how much I needed the help (i.e. couldn't afford rent, no job, etc). I would strive to find a way to keep the family whole before I would send my child off to live with someone else!
I realize that this situation is hard on my wife, but what is she thinking? Why is it so easy for her to remove her son from the home? Some may say that it was not an easy thing, that I don't know what really happened. I would say, you are right that I don't know what happened. But I do know that a mother should be willing to do all (and more) for her own child! I mother should be willing to lay down her life for her child! And, as far as I can see, this should never have happened!
My wife was willing to sacrifice me and 15 years of marriage because of my de-conversion. My behavior was no longer pleasing to her. It has been almost 6 months since she has talked to me in any way, shape or form. The pastor at Heritage Baptist Church tried to get my wife to reconcile with me while I was still in jail. She left the church and refuses to have communication with him. His behavior was no longer pleasing to her and she cast off both him and his church. My wife has charged my ten-year-old son with assault and battery and now he is living outside of the home. Apparently his behavior is no longer pleasing to her as well. Who's next? Who will cease to be deemed pleasing in her sight and be cast off in one way or another?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Another Court Date ... But Not for Me!
I hesitated to post this, but I think it is important. The day before yesterday a policeman shows up at my door. Any more, I am concerned whenever a policeman shows up. If you are familiar with my story, then I am sure you can understand why. The policeman, being a civil servant, was there simply to give me a summons to appear in court. I thanked him and he went on his way. I then sat down to read the summons...
... and that's when my jaw hit the floor!
I saw the words assault and battery and my wife's name! At first I thought, "What am I being accused of now?!?" Then I calmed down and read the summons a bit more closely. Here is what is says:
He did on or about 12/17/08 unlawfully assault and batter his mother in violation of section 18.2-57.2 of the 1950 code of Virginia as amended.
Mother? Who did what? I looked up and saw the name of the accused ... my youngest son! Apparently my youngest son struck his mother in some form or fashion. Instead of handling this in the home, it was taken to the police! What?
My youngest son is not a big boy. He is 10 (just turned 10 this January) and he is not a large boy at all. He apparently struck his mother, but why didn't she deal with it? Why didn't she handle it at home? Why get the police involved? Does it seem like a pattern is emerging here to get the authorities involved when things aren't the way she would like them to be? To get the authorities involved when someone is not behaving the way she wants them to?
Now, let's face some facts: I have no real idea what happened. I was not there. I don't know anyone that was (outside of my family) and, because of the protective order, I cannot simply make a call and find out either. All I can do is speculate. But it seems to me that a mother should be able to handle a boy who was, at that time, nine years old!
When I met with the boys during my supervised visit yesterday, I asked my youngest about what happened. He said that he and his mother got into an argument. He said that his brother grabbed him and he pulled away and, in the process, accidentally hit his mom. He then said that this fueled the argument even more and then he purposefully hit her. According to what he said he did not use an item to hit his mom. He was nine at the time. He only comes up to my armpit (and I am a short to average height man). How much damage could he have done?
My son was wrong. No doubt about it. He should not have struck his mother. In fact, I told him to never do that again. I calmly told him that getting angry and striking another is not the way to solve problems and that, as he gets older, reacting this way can lead to more severe consequences. I reminded him that his mother is his mother and, as such, he should treat her with respect. He promised me that he would not strike her again and that he would try to control his anger.
Even so, as I think about this incident, I am furious! Why turn my son into the police? Why start him on the path to being a delinquent? What does she hope to accomplish by this action? If my son were to strike me and I thought the situation was getting out of hand, I might call a friend to help, but I would not call the police! This is my own flesh and blood! My son would have to do something a lot more than strike me to have me call the police on him!
Now, in a situation like mine, I cannot help but have suspicious thoughts. Again, I cannot talk to my wife to hear her side of this. However, there is a possible pattern here (and, I admit, this may be the farthest thing from what is actually going on). My youngest son has always been in my corner, so to speak. The first Sunday after my de-conversion he stayed home with me instead of going to church with my wife and the rest of his siblings. When I was arrested he was there and watched through the picture window as they put the cuffs on me. He has come to every single supervised visit without fail. My wife seems to have the attitude that whoever is with me is an enemy. Could she be viewing my son this way? Could she be punishing him for his allegiance to me? Yes, he struck her (according to his own admission to me)! Yes, that was wrong! But why call the police? Why make a ten-year-old appear before a judge?
I de-convert and upset my wife. The next thing I know, the authorities are at my door arresting me. My (then) nine-year-old son strikes my wife. The next thing you know there is a sworn affidavit forcing my son to appear in court about assaulting his mother. Too much of a coincidence? Maybe. Like I said, I could be totally wrong. But unfortunately it does seem plausible. It seems like my wife has learned a dangerous game.
In any case, the court had to summon both biological parents to appear in court. I will be able to hear the case then.
... and that's when my jaw hit the floor!
I saw the words assault and battery and my wife's name! At first I thought, "What am I being accused of now?!?" Then I calmed down and read the summons a bit more closely. Here is what is says:
He did on or about 12/17/08 unlawfully assault and batter his mother in violation of section 18.2-57.2 of the 1950 code of Virginia as amended.
Mother? Who did what? I looked up and saw the name of the accused ... my youngest son! Apparently my youngest son struck his mother in some form or fashion. Instead of handling this in the home, it was taken to the police! What?
My youngest son is not a big boy. He is 10 (just turned 10 this January) and he is not a large boy at all. He apparently struck his mother, but why didn't she deal with it? Why didn't she handle it at home? Why get the police involved? Does it seem like a pattern is emerging here to get the authorities involved when things aren't the way she would like them to be? To get the authorities involved when someone is not behaving the way she wants them to?
Now, let's face some facts: I have no real idea what happened. I was not there. I don't know anyone that was (outside of my family) and, because of the protective order, I cannot simply make a call and find out either. All I can do is speculate. But it seems to me that a mother should be able to handle a boy who was, at that time, nine years old!
When I met with the boys during my supervised visit yesterday, I asked my youngest about what happened. He said that he and his mother got into an argument. He said that his brother grabbed him and he pulled away and, in the process, accidentally hit his mom. He then said that this fueled the argument even more and then he purposefully hit her. According to what he said he did not use an item to hit his mom. He was nine at the time. He only comes up to my armpit (and I am a short to average height man). How much damage could he have done?
My son was wrong. No doubt about it. He should not have struck his mother. In fact, I told him to never do that again. I calmly told him that getting angry and striking another is not the way to solve problems and that, as he gets older, reacting this way can lead to more severe consequences. I reminded him that his mother is his mother and, as such, he should treat her with respect. He promised me that he would not strike her again and that he would try to control his anger.
Even so, as I think about this incident, I am furious! Why turn my son into the police? Why start him on the path to being a delinquent? What does she hope to accomplish by this action? If my son were to strike me and I thought the situation was getting out of hand, I might call a friend to help, but I would not call the police! This is my own flesh and blood! My son would have to do something a lot more than strike me to have me call the police on him!
Now, in a situation like mine, I cannot help but have suspicious thoughts. Again, I cannot talk to my wife to hear her side of this. However, there is a possible pattern here (and, I admit, this may be the farthest thing from what is actually going on). My youngest son has always been in my corner, so to speak. The first Sunday after my de-conversion he stayed home with me instead of going to church with my wife and the rest of his siblings. When I was arrested he was there and watched through the picture window as they put the cuffs on me. He has come to every single supervised visit without fail. My wife seems to have the attitude that whoever is with me is an enemy. Could she be viewing my son this way? Could she be punishing him for his allegiance to me? Yes, he struck her (according to his own admission to me)! Yes, that was wrong! But why call the police? Why make a ten-year-old appear before a judge?
I de-convert and upset my wife. The next thing I know, the authorities are at my door arresting me. My (then) nine-year-old son strikes my wife. The next thing you know there is a sworn affidavit forcing my son to appear in court about assaulting his mother. Too much of a coincidence? Maybe. Like I said, I could be totally wrong. But unfortunately it does seem plausible. It seems like my wife has learned a dangerous game.
In any case, the court had to summon both biological parents to appear in court. I will be able to hear the case then.
Finally Got to See Both Sons :)
Each Thursday I get to see my kids via supervised visitation. I get one hour. Yesterday both of my sons came to see me! It was great to finally see my oldest child as well as the youngest. As usual, we had a good time playing games like chess, throwing a ball and things like that, but we also got to talk and this was desperately needed.
And I'll tell you why ...
My oldest son barely smiled. In fact, he says that he has made a commitment to never smile again. He is 14, a teenager, and he is already going through a lot with the normal changes of that age. However, the stress and strain of this situation is not helping. My son loves me. Because of the way things are in the home, I believe he feels he has to take sides. It is either my side (his dad) or her side (his mom). And, from what I hear, my wife is not doing much to help in this situation. I'll give an example from what I gleaned from my talk with my sons.
I told them that they should write a letter to their grandfather (my dad) because he misses them and is worried about them. My oldest said to me, "Mom won't let us because she says that grandpa is on your side." This is as if to say, anyone who is on dad's side is the enemy and must be avoided! How sad! And how divisive. My wife seems to be doing all that she can to split this family into pieces. In fact, I know some people, who will remain nameless, that are friends with my wife and also with me. They have told me that they will not tell my wife that they have talked to me. Why? Because they fear that she will cut them off if she knew!
In any case, I needed to talk to my sons. I encouraged them to be loving and kind. I told them that getting mad and lashing out would not solve any of the problems that we are all facing at the moment and to have hope. I said to my oldest that the trial is not that far away and soon we can move forward with our lives ... that we just needed to hold on for a bit more and keep our chins up. When he told me that he had determined to no longer smile I looked at him very seriously and said very gently, "Son, if there is anyone in this room that should not be smiling from day to day, it is me. But I am smiling. And I have a great deal to smile about. You are one of the reasons I can smile today." And I encouraged him to find a reason to smile every day.
It is obvious that this situation has caused my son a lot of pain and he is becoming a withdrawn and angry young man. I encouraged him to try to come to each supervised meeting on Thursday so that we can talk, be with each other and all of that. Right now his homework schedule is quite heavy and this is what kept him from coming the last two times. I said he could bring his homework with him and I would be happy to help him with it. This actually perked him up a bit. He said, "Really?" And I said, "Of course."
I hurt for my sons. I hurt for my daughters, too, but I have not seen them since September 8th.
And I'll tell you why ...
My oldest son barely smiled. In fact, he says that he has made a commitment to never smile again. He is 14, a teenager, and he is already going through a lot with the normal changes of that age. However, the stress and strain of this situation is not helping. My son loves me. Because of the way things are in the home, I believe he feels he has to take sides. It is either my side (his dad) or her side (his mom). And, from what I hear, my wife is not doing much to help in this situation. I'll give an example from what I gleaned from my talk with my sons.
I told them that they should write a letter to their grandfather (my dad) because he misses them and is worried about them. My oldest said to me, "Mom won't let us because she says that grandpa is on your side." This is as if to say, anyone who is on dad's side is the enemy and must be avoided! How sad! And how divisive. My wife seems to be doing all that she can to split this family into pieces. In fact, I know some people, who will remain nameless, that are friends with my wife and also with me. They have told me that they will not tell my wife that they have talked to me. Why? Because they fear that she will cut them off if she knew!
In any case, I needed to talk to my sons. I encouraged them to be loving and kind. I told them that getting mad and lashing out would not solve any of the problems that we are all facing at the moment and to have hope. I said to my oldest that the trial is not that far away and soon we can move forward with our lives ... that we just needed to hold on for a bit more and keep our chins up. When he told me that he had determined to no longer smile I looked at him very seriously and said very gently, "Son, if there is anyone in this room that should not be smiling from day to day, it is me. But I am smiling. And I have a great deal to smile about. You are one of the reasons I can smile today." And I encouraged him to find a reason to smile every day.
It is obvious that this situation has caused my son a lot of pain and he is becoming a withdrawn and angry young man. I encouraged him to try to come to each supervised meeting on Thursday so that we can talk, be with each other and all of that. Right now his homework schedule is quite heavy and this is what kept him from coming the last two times. I said he could bring his homework with him and I would be happy to help him with it. This actually perked him up a bit. He said, "Really?" And I said, "Of course."
I hurt for my sons. I hurt for my daughters, too, but I have not seen them since September 8th.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
This is Painful ...
Today was the first of regularly scheduled visits with my kids. There is a third-party organization locally that supervises the visits. They ensure that an "exchange" takes place so that the alienated parent can see the children on their premises without encountering the other parent. For this to happen, I have to show up 30 minutes before the visitation time. They place me in the visitation room and 30 minutes later, when my wife comes, they escort the children in to see me. We can then spend an hour together. Once the children leave, I have to be locked back in the visitation room for an additional 15 minutes. This gives my wife enough time to get the kids and leave, ensuring that I don't accidentally cross her path.
But today was quite painful ...
I waited in the visitation room to see my children ... the highlight of my week! Finally, at the scheduled time, the door opens and in comes my youngest son! But that is all. I have four children, but only one came to visit me. I was not expecting the girls to come. After all, I have not seen them at all since I was arrested in September. But I was hoping to see my oldest son!
When I was first allowed to see my children (almost three months after my arrest) both of my boys came. Both said they had a wonderful time and both asked the Social Services worker if they could see me again and soon! The next visit was two weeks later and during that visit only the younger son showed up. That was about a week or so before Christmas. Once again, my oldest son didn't come to see me. My heart broke.
Don't get me wrong. I love all of my children. I had a great time with my youngest son during our visit together. We played chess. We talked about school. They even had a little basketball thing in the room and we played some of that. It was laughs and smiles and having a good time. But after he left I felt so empty inside. Where was my oldest? Why did he not show up? What is going on?
When things like this happen it is hard to control your thoughts. Of course, in a situation like this, it is easy to think all the bad things. But my oldest son is 14. He is a teenager. He might have problems of his own that he is dealing with. Then again, maybe not. And I cannot even make a phone call to find out! Could my son hate me right now? Could he be ashamed of me? Could it be that he is sick? I have no way of knowing and no way to find out either! All I know is that my heart is broken!
I called my dad after getting home from the visit. He had wanted me to call because he wanted to know how the visit went. I tried to sound normal on the phone, but after telling him that my oldest did not show up, I broke down, started to cry and had to get off the phone. This ... hurts!
I am completely cut off from my family. At the end of December my family moved. The contract was up on the home we were renting. Because of the protective order, I am not even allowed to know where they are living. How would you like it if you could not even know where your own wife and kids lived? Could not even know their phone number? And even if you did know, you couldn't stop by or give them a call! I am cut off!
When I went to the visitation place they made me empty my pockets. I could have nothing with me during the visit but the clothes on my back. While that may not seem very important (and, yes, even understandable considering some of the things this place has to deal with) it simply emphasized to me that I am cut off from my family. I could not even sit down with my child having my car keys in my pocket!
The visits are to be very week on Thursday evening. Frankly, I am having a hard time getting excited about them. Why? Because I can only take so much heart break. Yes! I want to be there for my youngest son (should he decide to come back next week) and I will be! But with the others not showing up ... that simply crushes me!
But today was quite painful ...
I waited in the visitation room to see my children ... the highlight of my week! Finally, at the scheduled time, the door opens and in comes my youngest son! But that is all. I have four children, but only one came to visit me. I was not expecting the girls to come. After all, I have not seen them at all since I was arrested in September. But I was hoping to see my oldest son!
When I was first allowed to see my children (almost three months after my arrest) both of my boys came. Both said they had a wonderful time and both asked the Social Services worker if they could see me again and soon! The next visit was two weeks later and during that visit only the younger son showed up. That was about a week or so before Christmas. Once again, my oldest son didn't come to see me. My heart broke.
Don't get me wrong. I love all of my children. I had a great time with my youngest son during our visit together. We played chess. We talked about school. They even had a little basketball thing in the room and we played some of that. It was laughs and smiles and having a good time. But after he left I felt so empty inside. Where was my oldest? Why did he not show up? What is going on?
When things like this happen it is hard to control your thoughts. Of course, in a situation like this, it is easy to think all the bad things. But my oldest son is 14. He is a teenager. He might have problems of his own that he is dealing with. Then again, maybe not. And I cannot even make a phone call to find out! Could my son hate me right now? Could he be ashamed of me? Could it be that he is sick? I have no way of knowing and no way to find out either! All I know is that my heart is broken!
I called my dad after getting home from the visit. He had wanted me to call because he wanted to know how the visit went. I tried to sound normal on the phone, but after telling him that my oldest did not show up, I broke down, started to cry and had to get off the phone. This ... hurts!
I am completely cut off from my family. At the end of December my family moved. The contract was up on the home we were renting. Because of the protective order, I am not even allowed to know where they are living. How would you like it if you could not even know where your own wife and kids lived? Could not even know their phone number? And even if you did know, you couldn't stop by or give them a call! I am cut off!
When I went to the visitation place they made me empty my pockets. I could have nothing with me during the visit but the clothes on my back. While that may not seem very important (and, yes, even understandable considering some of the things this place has to deal with) it simply emphasized to me that I am cut off from my family. I could not even sit down with my child having my car keys in my pocket!
The visits are to be very week on Thursday evening. Frankly, I am having a hard time getting excited about them. Why? Because I can only take so much heart break. Yes! I want to be there for my youngest son (should he decide to come back next week) and I will be! But with the others not showing up ... that simply crushes me!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
What Planet Were You From?!?
Some who are reading this blog may walk away shaking their heads wondering what kind of religion my family and I were mixed up in. Some of the folks posting comments here and emailing me come from a variety of backgrounds. Some grew up Catholic. Others were a part of some other Christian denomination. And some attended churches that had strict rules while others attended fellowships with very few rules. As a result of the diverse groups within the realm of Christianity, I believe it is important to let people know a bit about my Christian background. This may give some understanding to those that are not familiar with it and also help those that were a part of it understand where I have come from.
I did not come to believe in Jesus until I was 25 years old and I was not raised in a religious home. In fact, my father is Jewish (with a name like Silverman, who would have guessed?). So for the first part of my life religion really didn't factor into it. After accepting Jesus I began to attend an Independent Baptist church. The pastor thought I should go to Bible college and recommended that I attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). This school further taught me the concepts adhered to by many Independent Baptists.
The first thing I should say is that not every Independent Baptist church is the same. After all, they are "independent". But they do tend to stick to the same basic doctrines. After all, they are "Baptists". These doctrines, or teachings, would include such things as the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith alone and the Bible consisting of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments. Concerning the Bible, it was to be interpreted literally. This meant that the the common sense reading of the text was to be understood as what the Bible really meant. Therefore, if the Bible says that God created everything in six days and rested on the seventh, then there was no room for anything more than six literal 24-hour days. Another rule that governed us when it came to the Bible was to compare Scripture with Scripture in order to let the Bible interpret itself.
By this understanding, some Independent Baptist churches came to some strict conclusions concerning behavior and modesty. The man was to be the head of the household. All were to dress modestly and the women were to not adorn themselves with clothing that could be mistaken for men's clothes. Children were to be disciplined via corporal punishment. And there were many other such rules that came to govern us based on our understanding of the Bible as taken from a literal perspective.
As our family continued to study the Bible and attempt to apply it to our lives, we found our lives becoming more and more strict. We eventually had no TV in our home and movies were certainly out of the question. The only music we were to have was Christian (and certainly not Christian rock, rap or anything even remotely connected to today's music). My daughters were to dress in long, loose skirts, loose jumpers and dresses. They could not wear any kind of pants and certainly not shorts. Even when they went out to play they had to have on their jumpers. If they wanted to do cartwheels then they could put on sweats underneath their jumpers, but they could not wear them without their jumpers. The girls could not even have fingernail polish, though that was something my wife wanted and not strictly enforced by the church we were a part of.
On some occasions my daughters would come home and tell us that some of the neighborhood children had asked if we were Amish or Mennonite. They asked this because of how the girls dressed. Others, who were not members of our church, wondered the same thing when they went by our church and saw us worshiping. We simply did not look "Baptist" to them.
As we strove to remove more and more of the "world" from our home, life became more restrictive for our children. They started to make friends with the neighborhood kids, but soon my wife would worry about this. She would think that the "unsaved" children in the neighborhood would influence our children and possibly cause them to turn away from Christ. Frequently my wife would come to me and tell me that she did not want our children playing with the neighborhood kids. Eventually my children learned, for the most part, to play amongst themselves. My kids were not completely cut off from the people all around us. They were welcome to be witnesses and to tell people the Gospel!
Yes, as the head of the household, I was certainly moving in this direction. I am just as responsible for bringing this on my house and on my children as anyone else. I am not innocent here. But perhaps this little insight into our lives can help you to understand the background that I came from and where my wife still is.
I did not come to believe in Jesus until I was 25 years old and I was not raised in a religious home. In fact, my father is Jewish (with a name like Silverman, who would have guessed?). So for the first part of my life religion really didn't factor into it. After accepting Jesus I began to attend an Independent Baptist church. The pastor thought I should go to Bible college and recommended that I attend Piedmont Bible College (now called Piedmont Baptist College). This school further taught me the concepts adhered to by many Independent Baptists.
The first thing I should say is that not every Independent Baptist church is the same. After all, they are "independent". But they do tend to stick to the same basic doctrines. After all, they are "Baptists". These doctrines, or teachings, would include such things as the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, salvation by grace through faith alone and the Bible consisting of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments. Concerning the Bible, it was to be interpreted literally. This meant that the the common sense reading of the text was to be understood as what the Bible really meant. Therefore, if the Bible says that God created everything in six days and rested on the seventh, then there was no room for anything more than six literal 24-hour days. Another rule that governed us when it came to the Bible was to compare Scripture with Scripture in order to let the Bible interpret itself.
By this understanding, some Independent Baptist churches came to some strict conclusions concerning behavior and modesty. The man was to be the head of the household. All were to dress modestly and the women were to not adorn themselves with clothing that could be mistaken for men's clothes. Children were to be disciplined via corporal punishment. And there were many other such rules that came to govern us based on our understanding of the Bible as taken from a literal perspective.
As our family continued to study the Bible and attempt to apply it to our lives, we found our lives becoming more and more strict. We eventually had no TV in our home and movies were certainly out of the question. The only music we were to have was Christian (and certainly not Christian rock, rap or anything even remotely connected to today's music). My daughters were to dress in long, loose skirts, loose jumpers and dresses. They could not wear any kind of pants and certainly not shorts. Even when they went out to play they had to have on their jumpers. If they wanted to do cartwheels then they could put on sweats underneath their jumpers, but they could not wear them without their jumpers. The girls could not even have fingernail polish, though that was something my wife wanted and not strictly enforced by the church we were a part of.
On some occasions my daughters would come home and tell us that some of the neighborhood children had asked if we were Amish or Mennonite. They asked this because of how the girls dressed. Others, who were not members of our church, wondered the same thing when they went by our church and saw us worshiping. We simply did not look "Baptist" to them.
As we strove to remove more and more of the "world" from our home, life became more restrictive for our children. They started to make friends with the neighborhood kids, but soon my wife would worry about this. She would think that the "unsaved" children in the neighborhood would influence our children and possibly cause them to turn away from Christ. Frequently my wife would come to me and tell me that she did not want our children playing with the neighborhood kids. Eventually my children learned, for the most part, to play amongst themselves. My kids were not completely cut off from the people all around us. They were welcome to be witnesses and to tell people the Gospel!
Yes, as the head of the household, I was certainly moving in this direction. I am just as responsible for bringing this on my house and on my children as anyone else. I am not innocent here. But perhaps this little insight into our lives can help you to understand the background that I came from and where my wife still is.
Want to Support Me?
I am stunned by the number of visits this blog has had today and the number of emails I have received! I can hardly keep up with it! Thank you! It is amazing and very uplifting!
Several of you had asked about helping in some way and some of you even asked about funds for my defense. Right from the get go I want to say that I did not create this blog to ask for funds from anyone. I believe that asking for money for my defense would cheapen the story. The purpose of this blog is to get the story out ... to tell my side of it, giving people the opportunity to think about the things I have written here.
Even so, some people might still want to help. If this is the case, then I have a suggestion. I am a professional graphic artist that specializes in traditional pencil and ink drawings, 2D computer graphic arts and 3D modeling. If any of you need any graphical work (web site graphics and layout, company logo designs, book covers (I have done dozens of novel covers that are in print), magazine covers, 3D models, etc) please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to work for pay and, frankly, I need to rebuild my business after my involuntary vacation in jail. So if any of you need any graphical work done or know someone that does, please think of me. I am more than happy to forward you examples of my work. My web site for real-time 3D graphics can be found at the following URL:
http://www.m3dd.com
I am in the process of creating a resume site for the rest of my graphical work.
Thank you.
.
Several of you had asked about helping in some way and some of you even asked about funds for my defense. Right from the get go I want to say that I did not create this blog to ask for funds from anyone. I believe that asking for money for my defense would cheapen the story. The purpose of this blog is to get the story out ... to tell my side of it, giving people the opportunity to think about the things I have written here.
Even so, some people might still want to help. If this is the case, then I have a suggestion. I am a professional graphic artist that specializes in traditional pencil and ink drawings, 2D computer graphic arts and 3D modeling. If any of you need any graphical work (web site graphics and layout, company logo designs, book covers (I have done dozens of novel covers that are in print), magazine covers, 3D models, etc) please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to work for pay and, frankly, I need to rebuild my business after my involuntary vacation in jail. So if any of you need any graphical work done or know someone that does, please think of me. I am more than happy to forward you examples of my work. My web site for real-time 3D graphics can be found at the following URL:
http://www.m3dd.com
I am in the process of creating a resume site for the rest of my graphical work.
Thank you.
.
Am I Angry?
I have received a lot of emails from people wondering why I seem so forgiving and stating that they would be very angry if they were going through what I am going through. So the question might be, "Am I angry?" That depends. I will try to express what I feel as well as what I am going through in this article.
If you have read My Story or the original articles on this blog, then you know I spent 50+ days in jail. Was I angry then? Yes! Most certainly! My first few days in jail I was frightened in so many ways. I had never been in jail before and I did not know what to expect. Also, the entire ordeal was just so unreal! One day I was celebrating my freedom of mind via my de-conversion and five days later I am being arrested!
After a few days, fear gave way to anger. I was angry that my wife had done this to me! I was angry at the pastor of that church! Several of us in jail would talk about what women had done to us and we would all get angry (and, no, I don't hate women)! But when I finally got out of jail on bond, I realized that I no longer really knew who I was!
You see, almost two decades as a Christian had formed me into who I was. My character (for the most part) and what I deemed "right" and "wrong" were all controlled by the Bible and by the standards of the church. Now that I was no longer under that authority, I was free, but I was also something new. I had to decide what I was and what I wanted to be. I decided that I didn't want to be an angry person. I decided that I did want people to treat me fairly and that I should treat them fairly. I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt and so I decided to give others that same benefit.
Now, I don't always succeed. All of this is still very fresh to me ... I am still going through it. And so, from time to time, I do get quite upset. At other times I simply break down, sob and loose it. I feel quite betrayed. However, I bet my wife does, too. Her reasons for feeling betrayed, I believe, are based on her understanding of the Bible and her desire that our entire family would faithfully serve God all our days. My reasons are obvious to most people who read this blog.
All in all, I am not angry ... not at the moment ;) . That could change. I get hate mail (via email) and things like this. I get people who don't know the accusation against me who speak about this case and use words like "rape". This all has the potential to make me angry. But I want to be the better person.
You know, now that I think about it. As a Christian I had a bit of anger. I would yell in my house from time to time when things weren't going well. But, since leaving the faith, I have not been tempted to yell at all. It is amazing to me that I found peace as I have, despite my circumstances, OUTSIDE of the Christian faith.
If you have read My Story or the original articles on this blog, then you know I spent 50+ days in jail. Was I angry then? Yes! Most certainly! My first few days in jail I was frightened in so many ways. I had never been in jail before and I did not know what to expect. Also, the entire ordeal was just so unreal! One day I was celebrating my freedom of mind via my de-conversion and five days later I am being arrested!
After a few days, fear gave way to anger. I was angry that my wife had done this to me! I was angry at the pastor of that church! Several of us in jail would talk about what women had done to us and we would all get angry (and, no, I don't hate women)! But when I finally got out of jail on bond, I realized that I no longer really knew who I was!
You see, almost two decades as a Christian had formed me into who I was. My character (for the most part) and what I deemed "right" and "wrong" were all controlled by the Bible and by the standards of the church. Now that I was no longer under that authority, I was free, but I was also something new. I had to decide what I was and what I wanted to be. I decided that I didn't want to be an angry person. I decided that I did want people to treat me fairly and that I should treat them fairly. I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt and so I decided to give others that same benefit.
Now, I don't always succeed. All of this is still very fresh to me ... I am still going through it. And so, from time to time, I do get quite upset. At other times I simply break down, sob and loose it. I feel quite betrayed. However, I bet my wife does, too. Her reasons for feeling betrayed, I believe, are based on her understanding of the Bible and her desire that our entire family would faithfully serve God all our days. My reasons are obvious to most people who read this blog.
All in all, I am not angry ... not at the moment ;) . That could change. I get hate mail (via email) and things like this. I get people who don't know the accusation against me who speak about this case and use words like "rape". This all has the potential to make me angry. But I want to be the better person.
You know, now that I think about it. As a Christian I had a bit of anger. I would yell in my house from time to time when things weren't going well. But, since leaving the faith, I have not been tempted to yell at all. It is amazing to me that I found peace as I have, despite my circumstances, OUTSIDE of the Christian faith.
Using Judgment ...
My blog and my story have been picked up by a few people in recent days and, as a result, I am getting a lot more comments and emails than normal. Thank you ... all of you ... both Christian and non-Christian. I do appreciate it.
Having said that, I would humbly ask that we be careful how we judge my wife. There are a few things that I would ask us all to understand:
1) Despite all that I have revealed in this blog, I cannot share all the events about this case. There are some things that I just cannot talk about legally. This means that this blog does not and cannot contain all the information needed for anyone to really judge either side of this. Yes! I maintain my innocence! However, the readers of this blog cannot have all the facts.
2) The accusation did not originate with my wife. Therefore I don't believe that she is "lying". I think that she is choosing to believe that I am guilty. The main reason for this is that she believes that, without Christ, a person has no moral under pinning and, as a result, any evil is possible without the Holy Spirit's indwelling. This accusation may have become an easy way to remove the "heathen" influence from the home (and that, in and of itself is wrong, in my opinion), but this does not mean that my wife is purposefully lying.
3) Just as it is not right that so many have judged me by what others are saying about me without being willing to hear my side of the story, it is equally wrong (in my opinion) to judge in my favor without hearing the other side of the story. I certainly maintain that I am innocent. However, I respect the fact that there are two sides to the story and this blog only represents my side.
I certainly would not tell any of you to not share your thoughts, ideas and opinions about all of this, but I would ask for caution. If I am asking people to treat me fairly, then I would want them to treat my wife fairly as well. I had determined a long time ago not be angry at how I am being treated. I went through anger while in jail and, for the most part, I am over it.
For any questions that go beyond what I can reveal on this blog, please use my email address. It is on the left side. I will do my best to answer each and every email I get.
Thank you.
.
Having said that, I would humbly ask that we be careful how we judge my wife. There are a few things that I would ask us all to understand:
1) Despite all that I have revealed in this blog, I cannot share all the events about this case. There are some things that I just cannot talk about legally. This means that this blog does not and cannot contain all the information needed for anyone to really judge either side of this. Yes! I maintain my innocence! However, the readers of this blog cannot have all the facts.
2) The accusation did not originate with my wife. Therefore I don't believe that she is "lying". I think that she is choosing to believe that I am guilty. The main reason for this is that she believes that, without Christ, a person has no moral under pinning and, as a result, any evil is possible without the Holy Spirit's indwelling. This accusation may have become an easy way to remove the "heathen" influence from the home (and that, in and of itself is wrong, in my opinion), but this does not mean that my wife is purposefully lying.
3) Just as it is not right that so many have judged me by what others are saying about me without being willing to hear my side of the story, it is equally wrong (in my opinion) to judge in my favor without hearing the other side of the story. I certainly maintain that I am innocent. However, I respect the fact that there are two sides to the story and this blog only represents my side.
I certainly would not tell any of you to not share your thoughts, ideas and opinions about all of this, but I would ask for caution. If I am asking people to treat me fairly, then I would want them to treat my wife fairly as well. I had determined a long time ago not be angry at how I am being treated. I went through anger while in jail and, for the most part, I am over it.
For any questions that go beyond what I can reveal on this blog, please use my email address. It is on the left side. I will do my best to answer each and every email I get.
Thank you.
.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Why I Started This Blog ...
... and why I am going to take it off line.
I started this blog as a knee jerk reaction the the local Channel 7 News report that had come out back in November. In that report, I was mentioned along with another man from the same church that had been accused of far more than I had, yet I was lumped in along side him. This frightened me! For several days I was even afraid to leave my room! Several people that were in communication with me suggested that I start a blog with the idea of me being able to tell my side of the story. As a result, this blog was born.
But I now realize what a selfish thing this was. I have a wife and, though I am opposed to what she is doing to both myself and the children, she is still is my wife. I cannot see how this blog could possibly help our situation. I created this blog out of concern to protect myself, but I did not give much thought to what affect this could have on my wife. In fact, I don't know what affect it is or is not having, but I can only imagine how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps some here would think something like, "Who cares how she feels after what she has done to you?" But I do. Despite the pain, she is still my wife.
Secondly, I never wanted to be in the spot light about all of this. My original plan was to just survive ... to get through this and do what I could to get my family back. But the news report scared me! I felt I needed to do my own "reporting" (so to speak) so that my side could be known. I no longer feel this way. I don't believe that this blog can do or is doing any real good at the moment. Therefore, I plan to take it down. I will give it a week or so and that only so people can read this post.
What it all comes down to is that I love my kids. I want to be a part of their lives and, in order to do that, I have to continue to endure some garbage and muck through it until this is all over with. This blog is not going to help me achieve that goal (not that I can see). I don't want to be in the public's eye. I don't really want to rattle anyone's cage. I just want to get through tomorrow and be their for my children when this is over. That is all. Nothing more.
I started this blog as a knee jerk reaction the the local Channel 7 News report that had come out back in November. In that report, I was mentioned along with another man from the same church that had been accused of far more than I had, yet I was lumped in along side him. This frightened me! For several days I was even afraid to leave my room! Several people that were in communication with me suggested that I start a blog with the idea of me being able to tell my side of the story. As a result, this blog was born.
But I now realize what a selfish thing this was. I have a wife and, though I am opposed to what she is doing to both myself and the children, she is still is my wife. I cannot see how this blog could possibly help our situation. I created this blog out of concern to protect myself, but I did not give much thought to what affect this could have on my wife. In fact, I don't know what affect it is or is not having, but I can only imagine how I would feel if I were in her place. Perhaps some here would think something like, "Who cares how she feels after what she has done to you?" But I do. Despite the pain, she is still my wife.
Secondly, I never wanted to be in the spot light about all of this. My original plan was to just survive ... to get through this and do what I could to get my family back. But the news report scared me! I felt I needed to do my own "reporting" (so to speak) so that my side could be known. I no longer feel this way. I don't believe that this blog can do or is doing any real good at the moment. Therefore, I plan to take it down. I will give it a week or so and that only so people can read this post.
What it all comes down to is that I love my kids. I want to be a part of their lives and, in order to do that, I have to continue to endure some garbage and muck through it until this is all over with. This blog is not going to help me achieve that goal (not that I can see). I don't want to be in the public's eye. I don't really want to rattle anyone's cage. I just want to get through tomorrow and be their for my children when this is over. That is all. Nothing more.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Court Update
First of all, please forgive me for the delay in adding anything to my blog. I have been very busy lately. However, I realize that some of you reading this blog may not be able to readily discover what is going on with me. Therefore, I wanted to give a brief update.
On Tuesday, December 2nd, I had to appear in court for the preliminary hearing. This is where the prosecution presents evidence to the court in order to establish if there is a case. If there is not sufficient evidence for a case, the judge will throw it out and it all ends right there. If there is enough evidence, then the case is certified by the judge and then it is presented to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury is basically a checks-and-balances system. They look over the case and the judge's finding and then also certify the case. This is known as an indictment. Once that is done, the case is then set for trial.
In my situation, the judge certified the case and the Grand Jury indicted me. In the case of a verbal accusation of abuse (physical or sexual) all that is needed is a testimony. This was given and therefore the case now goes to trial. A "soft" date has been set for the trial, but it will most likely change. Once I have more information I will update all of you as I am able.
Please understand that I cannot speak about everything on this blog as much of it is a part of the court case. Some people, who know more about my situation, have claimed that I am not telling all of the truth here on this blog. Some of that stems from the fact that I cannot reveal all the information here in this very public place because of the actual case. For example, I cannot reveal who the accuser is. People may speculate about it, but I cannot say. Even the news, when reporting on this case, does not reveal that piece of information despite the fact that they know.
The case will go to trial. What happens to me will be determined in about a month (or more) in a case that is estimated to last about two hours (or less). Even if I am found not guilty, I will still have a legal battle with Social Services as they are independent of the court and their decision.
On Tuesday, December 2nd, I had to appear in court for the preliminary hearing. This is where the prosecution presents evidence to the court in order to establish if there is a case. If there is not sufficient evidence for a case, the judge will throw it out and it all ends right there. If there is enough evidence, then the case is certified by the judge and then it is presented to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury is basically a checks-and-balances system. They look over the case and the judge's finding and then also certify the case. This is known as an indictment. Once that is done, the case is then set for trial.
In my situation, the judge certified the case and the Grand Jury indicted me. In the case of a verbal accusation of abuse (physical or sexual) all that is needed is a testimony. This was given and therefore the case now goes to trial. A "soft" date has been set for the trial, but it will most likely change. Once I have more information I will update all of you as I am able.
Please understand that I cannot speak about everything on this blog as much of it is a part of the court case. Some people, who know more about my situation, have claimed that I am not telling all of the truth here on this blog. Some of that stems from the fact that I cannot reveal all the information here in this very public place because of the actual case. For example, I cannot reveal who the accuser is. People may speculate about it, but I cannot say. Even the news, when reporting on this case, does not reveal that piece of information despite the fact that they know.
The case will go to trial. What happens to me will be determined in about a month (or more) in a case that is estimated to last about two hours (or less). Even if I am found not guilty, I will still have a legal battle with Social Services as they are independent of the court and their decision.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Wonderful Day!
Today was a wonderful day (and, after all that I have been going through, I needed it)! I was able to see two of my children today ... my two boys! Because of the protective order my wife placed against me, I am not allowed to have any form of communication with my wife or any of my four children. If I were to be walking down the street and happen to see my family walking my way, I am instructed to turn around and get away as fast as I can! However, Social Services has arranged for me to have supervised visits.
I was arrested on September 8th and so it has been nearly three months since I have been able to see my children or hear their voices. When I was in jail I would dream of them almost every night. And, to be frank, as I was anticipating seeing them again I was quite scared! I did not know what to expect. Would they accept me? Would they shy away from me? How would they react to their father?
I showed up at the Social Services office about a half an hour early. To my surprise, my wife and two boys were already in the waiting room. When my youngest son saw me he began to run to me, arms held wide open for a hug! What a joy! But there was a problem! Without the Social Services case worker present, I was still ruled by the protective order! I put forth my hand, palm forward and said, "I'm sorry son, but I cannot talk to you yet." He seemed to understand and went back to his mother. I retreated to the hall and waited for the case worker. After three months of not seeing my children, the first words out of my mouth had to be, "I cannot talk to you." Ugh!
Soon the case worker came and I was ushered, with the boys, into a room where we could be "alone" while under surveillance. We hugged and cried and talked about a range of subjects including cars (my oldest is 14 and what teenage boy does not like cars?), school, friends and things like that. We had a grand time. When the case worker returned to tell us our time was done, my boys begged her to schedule another meeting! I was overjoyed! But then we had to part.
I wept walking down the hall and down the stairs. I gathered myself together as best I could and made it to my car. Then I wept most of the way home. No father should have to be separated from his children. Not like this. The joy of seeing them, of hugging them, of hearing their voices ... it was without comparison! But so was the sorrow at our departure.
Even so, the case worker says we can meet again next week! I look forward to it!
I was arrested on September 8th and so it has been nearly three months since I have been able to see my children or hear their voices. When I was in jail I would dream of them almost every night. And, to be frank, as I was anticipating seeing them again I was quite scared! I did not know what to expect. Would they accept me? Would they shy away from me? How would they react to their father?
I showed up at the Social Services office about a half an hour early. To my surprise, my wife and two boys were already in the waiting room. When my youngest son saw me he began to run to me, arms held wide open for a hug! What a joy! But there was a problem! Without the Social Services case worker present, I was still ruled by the protective order! I put forth my hand, palm forward and said, "I'm sorry son, but I cannot talk to you yet." He seemed to understand and went back to his mother. I retreated to the hall and waited for the case worker. After three months of not seeing my children, the first words out of my mouth had to be, "I cannot talk to you." Ugh!
Soon the case worker came and I was ushered, with the boys, into a room where we could be "alone" while under surveillance. We hugged and cried and talked about a range of subjects including cars (my oldest is 14 and what teenage boy does not like cars?), school, friends and things like that. We had a grand time. When the case worker returned to tell us our time was done, my boys begged her to schedule another meeting! I was overjoyed! But then we had to part.
I wept walking down the hall and down the stairs. I gathered myself together as best I could and made it to my car. Then I wept most of the way home. No father should have to be separated from his children. Not like this. The joy of seeing them, of hugging them, of hearing their voices ... it was without comparison! But so was the sorrow at our departure.
Even so, the case worker says we can meet again next week! I look forward to it!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Been Persecuted?
Have you left the faith and suffered for it? Have people who name the name of Christ tried to ruin your good name? Have those that say that their God is love and that they are commanded to love even their enemies treated you distastefully?
If this has been the case for you, then I am asking you to leave a comment here and tell us briefly what you had experienced.
If this has been the case for you, then I am asking you to leave a comment here and tell us briefly what you had experienced.
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