Passover and Easter

Passover began on April the 9th and my dad got me thinking about this because he was invited over to someone's house for a sedar meal. I began to reflect back to last year and the year before when I used to teach the church about Passover, doing all I could to make connections between the Old Testament's teaching on the subject and the New Testament's assertion that Christ was the Passover, sacrificed for us (First Corinthians 5:7). I can remember the people, the smell of the food, the laughter when people tried the bitter herb for the first time and the hushed silence when the connections between the Messiah and the passover lamb were explained.

This year, I am sitting in my small apartment alone without even the familiar noise of my children running around. It is a sad silence, to be sure. I am not writing this to draw sympathy from anyone. I am simply stating things in order to show the contrast between recent years gone by and today. Things are certainly different for me, that is for sure! To emphasize that difference, here is a photo of me from a few years ago, teaching about the Passover at Heritage Baptist Church:

Yes, life was different then, but was it better? In many ways, yes! It was! I had my children all around me and that brought me immense joy! I at least believed that my wife loved me and that she would love me no matter what. I was surrounded by people who also said that they loved me. All of this certainly helped to make a person feel good, respected and wanted. But all of that changed the day I left the faith.

But what about today? Are things worse? I suppose that one could say that they are. After all, I don't have my children with me, my wife apparently wants nothing to do with me and I am facing a trial in which I could end up in jail! That is all bad, certainly. But my life is better in many ways. I know this may sound strange to many of you. I can see people thinking something like, "How can life possibly be better in the face of all that?"

Life is better because I am free. Yes, even despite the fact that it is possible that I may go to jail at the end of this month as a result of the accusation against me. I am free because I am no longer bound to the lie that is Christianity. I don't miss god! I don't miss the long sermons at church! I don't miss the times in prayer or the intensive study of the Bible. No, I don't miss any of that. I know that the religion of Christianity is false. What I miss is my family and all the people that used to be my friends. No matter what differences people have, in my mind a friend is a friend! It boggles my mind that a person can so easily shut someone out because they changed their mind about god. And this is especially true concerning my wife.

Whatever any of you believe about me, my wife made a vow before the god that she believes in to stand by me in sickness and in health and in the good times as well as the bad. She even, of her own will, made a vow, quoting from the book of Ruth chapter one, verses 16-17, in which she vowed to go where I go, to lodge where I lodge and to be buried where I am buried. The vow ends with a curse if not upheld by the one swearing it. Does my de-conversion somehow nullify these vows?

Several months ago I asked the DSS case worker if I was allowed to have a supervised visit with my wife. After all, I was able to arrange supervised visits with my children. The DSS worker said, yes, this was possible. I asked her if she would talk to me wife and let her know that I simply wanted to talk to her. I said that one day this entire thing would be over with and that we needed to at least plan for that day. My main concern was the children.

The DSS worker brought my request before my wife. According to her, she asked my wife and she simply refused to reply! So the DSS worker waited another week before asking again. This time my wife simply refused. She was not willing to meet with me even under the watchful eye of DSS! Can you imagine that?

Despite being shunned by my wife, I am, in many ways, happier then I have been in years! Why? Because I can feel again! Emotions of love, joy, happiness and, yes, sadness as well, can freely flood through me! I never realized how dulled my emotions had become while serving the church! I don't think that you can really understand this unless you have experienced it for yourself. I have talked to many people that have left the faith and many tell me that they were surprised at the intensity of the emotions they could feel once they were freed from religion. The Bible tries to tell us that fullness of joy can only be found in Christ, but I have found a more abundant joy outside of him or his church!

I am free, also, because I can think again! I can dream! Everything is open to me now! If I want to be a graphic artist full time and develop my business, I don't need to check in with some god to see if it falls within his supposed will. If I want to go to a movie, I don't have to feel guilty about it or consider it evil. If I want to read a book to just relax, I don't have to check it first to make sure that it agrees with the Bible's standards somehow ... or some obscure standard set by some church leader who thinks they have the corner on what pleases god. I can pick up a book to read because the book is interesting to myself.

And, yes, I can even think about me! Yep, me. In Christianity, to even give yourself a thought can be considered sinful. After all, the Christian is to die to self and to live unto Christ. I now realize that this is not the truth! It is not sinful to consider one's own self. I am not talking about being selfish here and never thinking of anyone else. But I am talking about not neglecting yourself either. I can read a book that I like because I like it and because I want to. And it sure is good to be able to do that and not feel like I sinned before some divine sky being that gets upset if he isn't put first like some spoiled, rotten child!

I am free because I can make friends with someone no matter what they believe. If they are an atheist, they can be my friend. If they are a Christian, they can be my friend. If they are a Buddhist, I can be friends with them, too! I can like someone and hang out with them simply because I like them and want to hang out with them! That is very freeing. In fact, since leaving the church, people have become more wonderful to me no matter who they are or what they believe. People are no longer categorized as either lost or saved. They are simply people ... people who are endowed with dignity simply by virtue of their existence!

I see a mother laugh with her child and I see someone that is good even though they don't know the god of the Bible. I see a husband hug his wife as they walk down the street holding hands. This is good and so are they, despite the fact that they don't believe in god. I take my good friend Chris to the store so that he can get groceries. He doesn't believe in god, either. And I see him as a good man and a good friend. But the Bible would try to tell me that he is evil! The Bible warns about calling good, evil and evil, good, but I have found that it is the Bible itself that is doing this in many cases!

I started this article talking about Passover. And with good reason. Passover is celebrated in Jewish homes as a way of remembering being slaves and then being freed. In my own way, I am also celebrating a passover. I also was once a slave, but now I am free.